( open and closed starters )

[wrists]

WHO: laurent & friends (questionable).
WHERE: here and there in stygia.
WHEN: december.
WHAT: catch-all for monthly tidings. plotting comment is here.
WARNINGS: mentions of csa and the ongoing trauma surrounding it, bloody violence, angst and general unpleasant fuckery.

Comments

[wrists]

[ it plays through his head, unwanted. gruesome. death is no stranger to him, and still he's unprepared for the sudden rush of grief he feels, always waiting just beneath the surface. it's harrowing. when it's over laurent feels as though he's come up from underwater, struggling to breathe though nothing has changed — not their surroundings, not his position. they're still on the tumultuous waves, still in the dank belly of the ship, still seated on the wooden floors in the cold.

the scarf hangs haphazardly along his shoulders, returned once more. death rings in his head, his chest aching at the sight of tears clinging to aspen's cheeks. ]

I'll accompany you. [ he makes the promise before thinking, an uncharacteristic moment of rashness. he has his own tethers to see to, yet it feels... important, that he does this. ] To your home. In case — there is more danger than anticipated.

[ or in case aspen's shadow takes hold and he needs to conveniently relieve him of his staff. laurent does not ask about the two men, one's death clear in his memory, and the other very neatly implied. but something the slaver had said sticks in his mind. ]

That man protecting you. [ he treads carefully, suppressing a shiver while unwilling to shift the scarf. ] A king knows better than to jump into the fray so quickly.

[ the accusation goes unsaid, but it's clear. there was a king in this memory, and he doesn't think it was the men cut down. ]

[terraria]

( between his tears he coughs hard, practically a child racked with grief with his inability to tamp it down. perhaps fate has dealt him a kind hand today. perhaps laurent cannot recognize the lavender petals that he coughs up, almond-shaped with a yellow speck. every time aspen coughs up wisteria petals, he finds himself overcome with the desire to cry. laurent may have been right. maybe they were both still those scared, helpless children at heart.

despite all of aspen's kindness and openness, he regards the promise laurent makes with such terrified suspicion, it's as if the two have swapped bodies. violet-blue eyes are wide with trepidation, a deer caught in a hunt, petal-filled hand only an inch away from his mouth from where he'd been suppressing his coughs. )

... thank you. ( but he does relent and accept the help, gaze lowering. ) If you have need of it, I will do the same. I may not be the best in combat, but a second pair of eyes to watch your back is always a boon.

( he seems fit to relax in the dark and catch his breath, back against the wall of the ship. aspen even closes his eyes.

and it feels like laurent saw this moment to drive a knife in his chest. he stares at laurent, lips parted in shock, then he shuts his eyes tightly with a clear grimace.

does he have to say anything? even his expression is a clear 'aw, fuck, jig's up'. he runs a hand through his bangs, pushing them back away from his face as his wings slump in exhaustion - but also in relaxation. in a way, keeping this secret has been just as fraught as anything else he keeps close to the chest. )

To be clear, Aza, Wisteria, and I are... ( he sighs. ) were. The three of us were lovers. They were close, and understood each other in ways I could never even hope to fathom, and - Aza was the most powerful in combat, the best of us. He didn't jump into the fight just to protect me, he did it because he was furious his lover had been killed by a good-for-nothing slaver looking to bring him and I and all of our people back as chattel. Even if he were king instead of me, I think he would have done the same.

( aspen sets his staff away from him, giving it an accusatory glare before he fixes the scarf around laurent's shoulders, now. it's a clear account that what aspen claimed - being without his catalyst depriving him of magic - is true. ) I was born as Crown Prince Aquila of Zephyr, but that does not mean much when seeing my land and people killed robbed me of my memory. My earliest memory is that my name was Aspen, and that Master Phelans had bought me.

I didn't - and still don't - remember anything before.

[wrists]

[ somehow, it is both surprising and not to discover that aspen, once upon a time, had two lovers at once. of course he did. someone like aspen, with enough care to fill a room several times over, would have enough tenderness to fill several hearts. something laurent knows little about. ]

Crown Prince. [ easier, now, to focus on this than the tragedy that lies quietly between them. there is no balm for the pain of losing the ones you care for most in this world — at least laurent has not found one for his own wounds, even after all these years. aspen is a king. these are the words he keeps turning over in his mind, trying to reconcile his truth with the tiny bird beside him.

but the pieces fit. his demeanor, his concealed wit, his desire to help others — they are all traits of a king. traits that too few kings have. auguste would have been good and just, a rarity among veretian kings. but too long before him there have only been warmongers, content to hold open the bloody rift between kingdoms. even now, his uncle thirsts for war. laurent knows keenly what a poor king looks like, and aspen sits squarely on the opposite end.

he takes the scarf once again and settles it upon aspen's shoulders, this time looping it into a neat knot. it's the smallest measure of comfort he can offer in the face of his tears and choking petals. ]

Do you know how you might recover your memories? [ there are many things in his past painful to him, many things he longs to forget — but if it comes at the price of losing his memories of auguste, he would never make the trade. ]

[terraria]

( well, he's insisting. and a cursory glance to laurent tells aspen that he's trying. if this is him trying, then aspen will relent with the scarf. this time. he's quite sure of the two of them laurent is worse off physically.

emotionally and mentally, who knows. )

The doctors and healers said that if they return, they will come at their own pace - and that there was a real possibility that I will never recover my memories due to... ( he shifts, uncomfortable, not wanting to feel like a victim but also knowing that out of everyone, laurent would probably pity him the least. ) Due to the stress my mind and body underwent as a pleasure slave.

But that was years ago, at my first check with a doctor after I was freed. I haven't remembered anything yet, even with my soul magic. ( he gestures to his staff and then laurent. ) That's the magic that must have shared the memory - it influences the mind and emotion. My apologies. I didn't mean to make you witness to something like that.

But really, it's a shame.

( he forces a light smile, though it's sad in nature. he's not going to wallow in misery any longer. somehow, being around laurent makes him stubborn about regulating his own mood.

instead he pretends like his amnesia and enslavement were nothing but a missed meeting. )

In another time, in another place, maybe I would've been near your level of skill. Maybe I could've been a sparring partner. Apparently I excelled at the sword as a child.

( softer; )

Don't remember a thing about it now, though.

[wrists]

[ it's a common story. the pets in the palace, the slaves in vere, the children gone unprotected from those who would exploit them — there are few words suitable to describe the sort of duress they might've endured for years on end. laurent does not like to think of it, but the boy he used to be and the man he is now bears little resemblance to each other. it might not have been so, under different circumstances, if his uncle had never touched him, if he'd never grown intimate with the meaning of survival. ]

Then, when we go back — [ when they're off of this accursed ship, away from their tethers, once they're relatively safe again. ] You and I will spar and we'll see what you remember.

[ a sense-memory, a trigger, something familiar that might unearth any sort of feeling of recollection, no matter how small. ]

You can always learn anew. [ he's quiet for a long moment before continuing, his shoulders tense. ] I wasn't — gifted with the sword, like my brother was. Even now, I'm only half as good as he ever was. But being half as good as Auguste still means being better than everyone else in Vere. I trained relentlessly. I gave up all my childish pursuits in the goal of revenge, because I knew I had to be very, very good if I was to succeed at it.

[ he closes his eyes, waiting for a throb of pain to pass. when he opens them again, his gaze is cloudy. ] Aza and Wisteria are your tethers? Auguste is mine. And —

[ damen. the man he's supposed to want to kill. that name is better left unsaid. ]

[terraria]

( aspen starts with a bewildered expression, but it softens.

this isn't the first time someone suggested he spar and train. aza did, too. his heart aches fiercely for a moment, but it's compounded. )

Your brother? ( aspen draws his long legs in, settling his arms atop them as he looks to laurent. this is the first he heard of family. the one who attacked laurent, as far as he's concerned, does not count as family. the notion of revenge is so familiar that he has to close his eyes. it's not familiar because he wants to kill whoever hurt his tethers - it's familiar because so much of what happened a year ago was borne from his own thirst for revenge.

he understands. he really does. )

Yes. Aza, Wisteria, and my mother's sword. Those are my tethers.

... so then, Auguste may be... ( if their tethers were harmed to cause this pain, that must mean auguste - and whatever or whoever he won't name - are in peril. he doesn't want to force laurent to explain himself. aspen has long since learned how to expose bits of himself to seem forthright and open, but it's unlikely laurent is the same in this respect. he wouldn't expect laurent to expose himself so blatantly. he pulls his satchel near and begins to rifle through it. ) We'll fix this. Be it with force or wit, winds guide us.

Did you use the explosives I gave you?