[ There's a last flicker of unrestrained emotion on his end—guilt. Regret for even considering indulging his darker impulses, for thinking that causing pain might bring about peace. But it's a complicated spiral, two warring sides that circle each other without gaining ground, and when Felix speaks again the floodgate begins to shut.
Because thankfully, the Elysium makes something mild out of Felix's reactions and emotions, and through their bond (one he's certain of now, but refuses to speak to), it helps him leash his own, settling slowly into something more old and weary, the quiet aftermath of a harsh buzz of feelings. But he's sure that Felix is returning to his usual self, too. He can hear it in the fresh terseness of his words, curt and demanding even if they lack a sharp edge.
It's actually an oath he could see his own Felix forcing at him, though his answer in either case would be the same. Wearily, stubbornly, ]
I cannot promise that.
[ He won't make an oath he'd certainly break. ]
I will do what I can to better our situation, and that of those around us. But this is who I am.
[ He's never claimed that Felix was wrong about him. Even if he makes wiser choices, causes less heartache, saves more lives—Felix is asking for something else. He's looking at him and wishing that Dimitri could grow into someone else, some version of him that died years ago. But no promise can bring that person back, and he isn't willing to make it. ]
no subject
Because thankfully, the Elysium makes something mild out of Felix's reactions and emotions, and through their bond (one he's certain of now, but refuses to speak to), it helps him leash his own, settling slowly into something more old and weary, the quiet aftermath of a harsh buzz of feelings. But he's sure that Felix is returning to his usual self, too. He can hear it in the fresh terseness of his words, curt and demanding even if they lack a sharp edge.
It's actually an oath he could see his own Felix forcing at him, though his answer in either case would be the same. Wearily, stubbornly, ]
I cannot promise that.
[ He won't make an oath he'd certainly break. ]
I will do what I can to better our situation, and that of those around us. But this is who I am.
[ He's never claimed that Felix was wrong about him. Even if he makes wiser choices, causes less heartache, saves more lives—Felix is asking for something else. He's looking at him and wishing that Dimitri could grow into someone else, some version of him that died years ago. But no promise can bring that person back, and he isn't willing to make it. ]