(closed) the blue stars shiver in the distance

[zhanmadao]

WHO: Mo Ran & Chu Wanning
WHERE: The Harbors, marketplace
WHEN: some day of November
WHAT: shopping
WARNINGS: none at the moment

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[zhanmadao]

[ he's starting to get a headache --his mind filling with a static, loud buzzing, growing in volume at the same time as mo ran feels something unpleasant twist in his chest. it doesn't come from him, which means this is likely chu wanning's displeasure with him, reaching him in this form. it's like a distorted voice echoing in the back of his mind and even if mo ran closes his eyes and presses the heel of his hand to his temple, he can't make out sentences at all. there are words, hissed in his ears --mentions of leaving, unbecoming, paired with twinges at his chest. is chu wanning really so mad at him?

the answer comes quickly when his teacher speaks again so harshly and mo ran recoils, because he can feel his voice in his head, as much as hears it. he can only assume it's because chu wanning is feeling so strongly.

mo ran turns to face him more, lowers his head, long eyelashes casting shadows on his cheeks. he looks like a kicked puppy. he really wasn't talking back --he simply didn't want to give chu wanning more work, since he already seems so busy these days, disappearing for hours on end. ]

I'm sorry, shizun. I was ungrateful and I made you waste time, looking for the medicine. This disciple isn't good-- [ maybe it's because of the surge of feelings, because he wonders if chu wanning finds him a burden, that his coughing reprises and he turns away. no matter mo ran's hand pressing against his mouth, petals slip through his fingers and blood stains between them. ]

[rumination]

[ despite the thoughts in his head and the fear that mo ran will leave him for this new friend and the sharp jealously blooming in his gut, when mo ran starts coughing again, chu wanning straightens up, digging out his handkerchief and passing it to mo ran. there's no hiding the petals and it looks gruesome, as bad as anything chu wanning's seen.

the library has proven futile so far and there's nothing else he can do; watching his disciple wither away coughing up flowers, helpless to help him, makes chu wanning feel even worse, but that's a feeling he's aware of and used to, and can put it aside as he leans in closer, listening to mo ran's breathing through the coughs, so he can report to the healer when he goes asking for medicine. and he will make sure mo ran uses it this time, even if he has to oversee the use himself. ]

Stop talking nonsense. [ not that mo ran can talk, even. should chu wanning pat him on the back? would that help? chu wanning doesn't touch people, usually. but this is a rare case, and mo ran won't likely say anything, so he reaches out and pats his back, gentler than he usually is. ] You did good, giving it to her. [ and he is proud of mo ran for that. ] I'll get more, and you'll take it.

[ and yes, that is a threat. ]

[ mo ran is not allowed to die from a stupid curse in this place. chu wanning won't let him. ]

[zhanmadao]

[ mo ran wouldn't really use his teacher's handkerchief fearing to stain it --but he just got harshly reprimanded for giving away something chu wanning got him. so he does take the handkerchief and wipes at his mouth, before pressing it against it at the next fit, finding some comfort in breathing the other's scent from the fabric, haitang chasing away the metallic blood smell.

he softens at the patting to his back and he turns to offer his teacher a tired smile, just his eyes showing above the hem of the handkerchief and yet bright and content enough to show his earnest appreciation. his coughing is over for the time being, it seems, and mo ran breathes deeply.

without much thought, with chu wanning so close, mo ran drops his hands to his lap and turns just enough to be able to lean his forehead against the older man's shoulder, shutting his eyes and inhaling his scent deeply, like it could cure him of everything. his exhaustion will likely seep through, together with the raw craving for warmth and comfort. he wants to tuck his face in his neck almost desperately and that will travel the bond. ]

Shizun will get more and I'll take it. [ he repeats, voice low and raspy. ] It needs to be rubbed into my back and chest, right? Will shizun help me out? Everything aches these days... [ he would never admit it, were he in his right mind. but he surely isn't, feeling vulnerable and awfully needy for any affection and closeness he may get. ]

[rumination]

[ nothing about chu wanning is gentle or soft or cuddly. no one turns to him to ask for comfort. but mo ran is, turning into him, leaning against him. chu wanning's shoulder burns where mo ran rests his forehead, and he can feel the exhaustion seeping in from mo ran.

it's been a long day for them, and mo ran's done most of the work— talking to shopkeepers because chu wanning can't, carrying bags (which his ridiculous disciple insisted upon), trying to figure out what would work in their house. it's time to rest.

the cravings for warmth and comfort, feelings chu wanning can recognize but firmly ignores his own need for, soften him. he's always been harder on mo ran because he couldn't acknowledge his feelings, but in truth, it was hard to deny him sometimes. and now, when he's sick, there's no possibility that chu wanning can ignore those feelings or be harsh on him. putting the cake back in its bag so that he can finish it later, chu wanning gently pats mo ran on the back once again. ] Yes, yes, I'll help you. [ he's not going to think about that. he's the most familiar person mo ran has, he wouldn't just go ask anyone to rub medicine into his back, and chu wanning shouldn't think about what it means that mo ran asked him. or how it means he'll see his back again, and that firm chest. ] Let's go back. You should rest.