logs | (catch-all)

（ well, she'd been about ready to change the subject anyway. she has a certain tolerance for morbidity — she worked with the funerary branch of the allied armies identifying bodies for months after the war — but even with naruto's disappearance weighing on her, she has no desire to be lost to it. it's why she's here at all, fukawa at her side.

the titter draws her attention upwards, and her gaze narrows.

does it still count if she just burns the mistletoe to ash? ）

Really?

（ she asks that in exasperation to the sprite, where it whoops and twirls in excitement. sakura sighs, and then gives fukawa a sideways look. ）

Sorry, I should have been paying better attention. Um... is there someone you'd like to call, or...?

Me? Are you k-kidding? [Though a few people had been extremely patient and generous with her, several hadn't. Felix had been devastating, and she'd been warned to stay away from him besides. And even among the kinder souls, abusing that privilege was out of the question. Who'd run out in the snow and cold just to kiss her?] I'd die if I tried to ask anyone! I won't survive that level of rejection!

[What to do...]

Wh-what about you? You're popular. You call someone.

（ her lips purse briefly. could she call someone? sure. she knows at least a few people who might be willing to come rescue her, but... well. there are risks inherent in that as well, like other people accidentally getting trapped by the fairies. she's lucky jonas had been able to avoid it before... and she's really not going to ask him a second time.

besides... ultimately, they got themselves into this mess, they can get themselves out of it too. ）

I'm not going to call anyone.

（ that's said decisively, even though she isn't quite looking at fukawa as she says it. she extricates her arm from where it's looped around the other girl's and tucks her hair behind her ears, now nearly the same shade of pink. ）

Here — it's easiest if we do it.

[The firmness takes her aback. Fukawa tilts her head, like a dog trying to catch a noise better.]

You...y-you mean that? Us?

[Oh. Why is her stomach doing a backflip? Was the candy poisoned after all?]

B-but, are you — you're okay with that? That we're both girls and all?

（ she makes a soft hmm of noise in answer. her conversation with lady gilia is never far from her mind after all this time. the way the woman had spoken so tenderly about her wife...

it's not unusual for her to have fantasies. mostly, they've been focused on sasuke as long as she can remember. silly, chaste things — like how he might hold her hand, or kiss her. but recently, she's found herself wondering... would ino...?

ah! no, she's not going to think about that right now. she shakes her head, wishing she could disappear under her silly little toque. ）

It doesn't bother me. My world... that sort of thing isn't discussed or talked about at all, but this place is different.

[So it's relatively conservative. Fukawa winces, now set to wringing her hands even with the cumbersome mitts on.]

There's been accounts of homosexuality s-since the dawn of time, in nearly every culture. Although... [She gulps.] Acceptance is slow to come. There's people like that everywhere, but only recently some nations granted them the right to marry. Some places you could still be killed for it.

[Though now you just get killed no matter what, but. Anyway.]

I-I-I'm not against it! I don't care who does what with who. [This is a lie, but her bigger concerns are hot girls and hot guys hogging all the action and leaving the undesirables to wither to dust. She was pretty sure Ishimaru and Oowada had been...and maybe that idiot swimmer and the Ogre? Her memories of before are still muddled.] Th-though. I guess, that means...

[She gulps back some invisible stone. It splits and reshapes as a dozen butterflies, zipping around her insides at hurricane speeds.]

We c-can be professional about this!

（ kunoichi had received different training from the men. it was expected that their skills would be primarily related to fighting, but women were often trained as infiltrators. spies. that's not to say some men didn't specialize as well, but it was usually the result of their own desire to pursue such a thing rather than classes offered more generically in their youth. girls learned flower arrangements, art, music, things like make-up and fashion, — generally just the basics, but if they showed an aptitude they could be pulled from class to pair with an existing specialist to mentor and nurture their skill.

she remembers her teacher — not iruka, then — talking about how sometimes it might be necessary to use seduction to secure one's place in enemy territory, or to act as a distraction. it had seemed exciting to a young teenager, even if as she got older she recognized it was just as likely to be a myriad of other things. dangerous, to name one. horrific, another.

of course she'd thought about what her life might look like if she'd been sultry and desirable in a way that could turn a man's head, but she hadn't displayed had any real talent in that area. instead she'd gone on to pursue other specializations.

but it does mean she has a particular, pointed aversion to the idea of kissing anyone professionally. ）

I'd rather not.

（ she says that with a slight shake of her head, pulling off one of her gloves. her fingers are cold, but a quick spike of chakra sent along nervous pathways is quick to heat it up to relative normalcy, and she reaches up to cup fukawa's cheek.

she is spectacularly new to the whole concept of kissing. she'd held out for sasuke, but — given how that seems less and less a likelihood now, she's decided to set those old hopes aside. still, fukawa will only have been her third kiss, and the first girl.

they're almost exactly the same height, which makes it easy to lean in and press their lips gently together. it's wildly chaste, there and gone like the fleeting bloom of a flower in spring, and then she is. pulling her glove back on!! yes. perfect. ）

[Didn't see this one coming.

The glove comes off, and for a moment she thinks Sakura's changed her mind. She will call someone, she needs her fingers for the touchscreen.

Then she takes her by the cheek.]

Huh?

[And draws in close. Fukawa's breath halts in her chest, blockaded by the shock.

Every other kiss had been all nervy hesitation, protests from either party, an overlong battle to even breach the barrier between them. Sakura just cuts through the chaffe.

She's the only warm thing in a hundred miles. Her lips are soft. Her hand heats the curve of her cheek like a hot stone massage.

When she pulls away, Fukawa is left blinking and stupid.]

You... y-you just did it? Like that? [Hello???] How are you so bold?!

（ she just laughs nervously, tugging fukawa away from beneath the mistletoe. who knows if there's a time limit for it to reset?

also, rude. don't put her on the spot. ）

I — I don't know.

（ truthfully, it's a lot easier to kiss someone than to bury a knife somewhere in their body, but she's not going to say that. she just fusses with her glove, pulling it back on as the chill begins to creep back in. ）

[Oof. She stumbles along, too stupefied to manage her own two feet. She blinks at Sakura. Watches her slip that slender hand into the stately glove.]

Sakura? [Is she going crazy here? Or is there...] Do you like girls?

（ she freezes for a moment, and then curls her fingers in against her palm, shifting the fabric of the glove so that it fits properly across her knuckles. ）

I — it's not something I've thought too much about, I guess. Ever since I can remember, I've liked one person...

（ she's blushing furiously, tomato red to the roots of pink hair in horrible contrast. ）

I didn't think it was... allowed before talking to someone here.

You m-mean that shithead who ignored you?

[Girl. Girl.

This intensive rouge, though. Fukawa feels a prickle at the back of her head. Someone more polite might leave off. But Sakura, who could dig her fingers into human guts and no doubt snap a man's neck without blinking, couldn't spit out a sexual suggestion without burning up the roots of her hair.

Yet she'd dove in to kiss her.]

Well. N-now that you know it's allowed, are you thinking about it?

He's not a shithead. He's just someone who's had to deal with a lot from a young age. I understand him better now than I did when I was young.

（ relationship status: it's complicated. ）

A-and I don't know! Why are you asking me?

He st-still treated you like crap.

[No excuses. Even though she was going to need all the same clemency, sometime. She desperately hopes she never sees Sylvain again.]

I'm just asking! What's w-wrong with that? It's not a crime, you know! [She purses her lips.] B-besides, it's natural to w-wonder about things. Particularly when you d-don't have much experience.

Sometimes. But it was as much my fault, for not realizing how my attention hurt him, too.

（ sasuke has always been difficult for her to understand, but... she thinks she's a little closer to it, now. ）

And I guess that's fair, but... I don't know. I'm not sure it's something that can be so easily figured out.

Men should be grateful to catch the eyes of b-beautiful girls! [Honestly???] It's usually them wasting their time, chasing some ungrateful woman's heels. And everyone sympathizes with them, they just call her cold, or a bitch! B-but the second it's the other way around, the girl is just a psychotic nuisance!

[This is perhaps a tiny bit personal. She's gotten completely sidetracked.

Fukawa huffs, rubbing at her temple.]

Th-that is, what I mean to say is, you shouldn't be afraid to try figuring it out. I mean. W-was it... Was this all right for you?

（ oh that is definitely personal. sakura's eyebrows raise faintly, a delicate upwards twitch. leaving that alone for now, she focuses on the more important part, and almost timidly, ）

That's very direct of you.

（ h e l p. she looks away, reaching up to brush her hair back from her face... except that in her fluster she'd forgotten she was wearing gloves, so the entire enterprise is just an awful mess of weird static and her hair clinging even worse to the curve of her cheek, errant strands floating in an unholy pink halo. what does she say? yes, and seem weirdly overeager? no, and risk hurting fukawa's feelings?

maybe she should settle for saying it was better than kissing felix. ）

I think I'd need more practice to say for sure... it didn't feel wrong, though...

[extremely so, thank you for not pursuing further questions. We do not have time to unpack this.

For every half-second that passes, her eyes grow a little wider. Her doubts whirl from the base of her skull to whirl in a chilly vortex around her brain. She's done it now, this has been a horrible imposition, or a totally embarrassing mistake. Sakura definitely hates her. True, she didn't have expectations in this avenue, being completely devoted to Byakuya-sama and exclusively attracted to men, but wasn't it gutting to be found wanting by anyone? Much less someone like...

Sakura answers. Fukawa gulps. Well. It may not be "wrong", but she hesitates to say "right", and maybe this murky middle ground is where it's best left off? Yes. Yes, this is silly, she doesn't need Sakura's approval, she hasn't even got the experience to go judging Fukawa, so obviously the matter should be put to rest.

Wait, she was trying to find out if Sakura liked girls, not if she liked her. But...also? That wasn't—]

Guh! [Now it's Fukawa with her mitts in her hair, the usual tug of frustration. Too bad this stupid toque is in the way, she can't rip at her roots like she so desperately desires.] F-forget I asked! It's nothing! It's n-none of my business!

[She huffs and gives a shiver. The cold is setting in again, now that they've pulled apart.]

As long as you d-don't want to vomit all over me...b-better than most people...it's n-not like I have anyone to practice with either...

You shouldn't be so hard on yourself.

（ fukawa, stop talking about vomit, pls. ）

You're cute, and a sweet person when you stop being prickly and suspicious! There are a lot of things to like about you. I'm sure you'll find someone to practice with properly one day.

（ sakura steps back in, and loops their arms back together deliberately. come here, nerd. ）

There's gotta be a boy you like, right? （ heteronormativity strikes back: return of the hets. ）

[She will stop talking about vomit but she will also send you a withering glare.]

People don't use dates with cute girls as p-punishment for losing bets. [Her first and only date, RIP.] Or hold their noses when they walk in a room. You d-don't need to say stuff like that. I know what I am already, and I'd r-rather embrace it instead of t-trying to delude myself.

[Perhaps they should move on to better subjects. Like heteronormativity! Yes, perfect suggestion Miss Sakura! Fukawa brightens the second she asks.]

Well... [Return of the hot flush, both from their linked arms and the gent that has sprung to mind.] He's n-not here, but um, hehe, I have p-promised myself to a man back home. Byakuya-sama. Or, for you, Togami-kun.

（ fukawa, your issues can be seen from orbit. sakura does consider arguing, opening her mouth and then closing it with a click, but at length all she does is shake her head. ）

Togami-kun, huh...? What's he like?

[Regret to inform you that this is the improved Fukawa.

Also regret to inform you her aura has increased moist energy by 200%.]

What is B-Byakuya-sama like? [Cue unholy giggle.] Oh, he's j-just the most dashing man that ever lived. He's tall, with golden hair, and perfect features...n-nothing too angular or too soft, like a classical painting! But, also like a magazine model...

[But wait, there's more!]

He's the heir to his f-family corporation, and he's g-going to reshape the world someday! And I've d-devoted myself utterly to him...whatever he wants of me, I'll do it! [Except stay fifty meters away. Which he's asked for, multiple times.] Until the day I die, I'll be his dog...

(catch-all)

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cw: ninja world sexism and grossness??? idk man

The ol' honey pot trick, i see

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