[ the bar so low even sylvain makes it over... DIRE INDEED. (the only thing he really has going for him is a pickier palate and 92834732 activity points spent cooking the same handful of recipes.)
he gives claude a crooked smile, though there's genuine amusement there behind his incredulous tone. a slight crinkle around his eyes suggesting he appreciates the compliment even if he doesn't agree. ]
Or, you're just suspiciously easy to please for a lordling. [ not that he knows claude well enough to accuse him of being a picky eater. ]
But thanks. And if anyone's taking notes, it'll be him.
[ their diligent dimitri... sylvain stirs his soup a bit, then takes a sip. ]
[ Claude just smiles back at him, leaning back on his heels. ]
I know what the right thing is to say to get someone to cook my favourite meals.
[ Does he think Sylvain is an incredible cook? Not really. Is the food edible? Basically. At least Sylvain doesn't think that salt makes a dish too spicy.
Four years in Fodlan have really done their damage to his taste buds. ]
[ he grins and tucks away another spoonful of soup. ]
Tall, dark and handsome, and knows his way around the kitchen? Nobody stands a chance to that.
[ (he should be bitterly jealous, but instead he finds it entertaining.) ]
...If we ask him nicely, maybe he'll even wear that cute pink apron again.
[ sorry not sorry to read claude's bracket thoughts. sylvain gestures to the apron in question, hanging neatly on one of the wall hooks. it is now a communal apron... ]
[ He looks over when Sylvain mentions it, not having noticed the apron before, but there it is, in all it's cute glory. ]
You didn't deign to wear it yourself, Sylvain? Worried you'd become too irresistible?
[ That seems like something Sylvain might worry about. At least, two years ago. Claude doesn't think they ever spoke more than a handful of times at the Academy, but he wasn't immune to the rumours about the Gautier heir.
Not that he cared one lick about them. There were plenty of rumours about him too. ]
[ He quirks a brow at the sight of Sylvain in the now Fabled Apron, having a brief, one-second out of body experience at the knowledge that he's messing around in a kitchen with a Sylvain four years older than he remembers. Claude fancies himself a man who can dream big, but even this is something outside his wildest imagination.
But he acquiesces the request, pulling his phone out of his pocket and opening up the camera. ]
All right. Strike a pose, Gautier.
[ Snapping the photo, he sends it over to Sylvain, looking amused. ]
[ were the conversation not about wheedling a hot meal from their landlord, sylvain might question whether claude's being shrewd, or shameless.
(and it still doesn't feel entirely real, no, but he accepts all this the way he does the idea of modern appliances and handheld technology—impossible before, now suddenly the norm.)
...he has no idea how to model for a photograph, though, and settles with pretending to stir the pot of soup. ]
Thanks. [ he grins at his phone, then at claude. ]
...So. What would a smooth talker like you say, if you wanted to ask someone you didn't know very well out to dinner?
[ That's not a question that he was expecting, and he just tilts his head at Sylvain, as if questioning the logic behind his asking. ]
Do you think I'm more well versed in this area than you?
[ He doesn't know if he's ever asked anyone out on a date, actually. He's certainly asked people to tea and to dinner, mostly for business reasons. The closest experience that he has to what Sylvain is asking are the picnics that Shez would ask him on.
He taps his chin. ]
A good friend of mine would simply say, "want to go on an expedition?" and it would turn out to be a picnic. I'm not sure how well that would go over with a stranger.
[ it's not about whether claude has game (he could be just as maidenless for all he knows), but rather, ]
I think you're good at making people feel at ease around you.
[ or at least, it's worked on sylvain thus far. he takes the suggestion into consideration with a soft hum, and figures he should probably offer some context: ]
...I guess I don't want them to feel like I'm coming onto them too strongly. Especially since this would be our first time meeting in person. But they seemed kinda lonely last we talked.
[ he gestures to the bowls of soup on the table. ]
We may not come from the same place, but I was thinking it might be nice to share some recipes. I mean, that's not the only reason I'm in the kitchen, but it's part of it. [ it all comes full circle... ]
[ That doesn't sound right. Claude would be glad if it were true, but he knows that he's not always the best at empathizing or saying the right thing in times of emotional anguish. He'd been tense and uneasy during their first meeting—it was Sylvain who'd broken the ice.
Sylvain continues, and a certain unease starts to creep into his stomach. Was this all a trap?
He leans a hip against the counter, thoughtful. ]
I suppose as long as you make it clear there's no hard feelings if they turn you down, that'll be enough.
[ His heel digs into the floor, agitated, but the gesture is soundless with the slippers he has on. ]
[ he pokes at his meal with his spoon, oblivious to claude's misgivings, and nods in agreement. ]
That seems fair.
[ best not to go into these sorts of things with lofty expectations, though he supposes he wouldn't be dejected so much as disappointed. (sometimes... having difficulty forming genuine attachments comes in handy...)
he can only see how far his curiosity takes him, and call it off when the time comes. being dead really helps him keep a mellow outlook—after all, what's the worse that can happen that hasn't already? ]
They mentioned missing their friends. That they felt like their life's dream was taken away...
[ he glimpses up at claude, expression empathetic ] ...That sounds kind of sad, don't you think?
[ Okay, there's no doubt in Claude's mind that this is a trap. Sylvain must've lured him here with soup, then sprung this conversation on him to gauge how he would react.
And... to be fair, it's kind of deserved. Claude was the one out there pretending to be some unknown noblewoman. And while he maintains that it was a smart decision (especially given some of the other profiles out there), it would've been the more gracious thing to do to tell Sylvain the truth when he first recognized him on the app.
He sighs, settling a hand on his hip and rubbing his fingers over his temples. ]
If this was your plan all along, it's very well thought out, Sylvain.
[ He has to wonder, when did Sylvain realize? From the beginning? He supposes that his fake moniker wasn't particularly inspired.
He fixes Sylvain with a smile that concedes defeat. ]
I suppose I deserve to sweat a little for trying to fool everyone with my little profile. I probably could've been a little more creative than "Claudia"...
[ though it takes a few seconds for the realization to sink in, there's a noticeable shift to claude's body language that informs sylvain they have, in fact, not been holding the same conversation this entire time.
he's speechless in his surprise at first, expression comically blank as his mind first tries to decipher what exactly claude means by that.
(that can't be possible...? or rather, the claim is so outlandish it's sylvain's first instinct to reject it entirely? what does he even mean, how,) ]
[ —and then his brain starts scrambling to catch up with the past 10-20 minutes of interaction. in reality this is like, maybe a 5 second delay at most, but internally the shocking revelation spans the length of a dramatic anime timeskip.
so, claude has to be "claudia"—how else would he have known, with certainty, whom sylvain was referring to? no names had been given, and the contents of their chat log had been strictly private. no one's gotten access to sylvain's device since he's had it...
...but that means... claude IS claudia?!?!?!?!?!?!? ]
[ but why would claude go through the trouble of making a fake profile? what does he stand to gain? to lose?
why would he have kept responding to sylvain knowing exactly who's on the other end of the line? it's not like sylvain has any state secrets to spill, nevermind they've always been allies against the empire anyway (in sylvain's version of fódlan lol).
...also again, they're dead and politics don't matter here.
...he's so confused. is this supposed to be a prank...? that trajectory of thinking sends him down another rabbit hole: what would even be the motive? he doesn't think claude is so immature to act like a schoolboy, especially to a near-stranger... ]
[ again, all this meta lasts the approximation of a few blinks—sylvain is quick on his feet, moreso than he lets on.
...even if the pieces click into place, however, he's still too entirely baffled to decide how exactly he's supposed to feel about it. has he stalled too much that he's missed his window to play it off? pretend it never happened and lord claude's incorrect conjecture over him? he considers it, honestly, if only to hide whatever mortification and humiliation he feels.
...but there's something about this situation which is admittedly hilarious even to sylvain, even if he feels very much like the butt of the joke. the awkward silence is finally punctuated with a half-snort, half laugh. ]
You're giving me way too much credit.
[ there's something a little bitter and self-deprecating in the smile he returns. but it vanishes quickly enough as he just shakes his head, facing claude head-on. maybe it's equal enough revenge to let claude realize that he gave up his own game—he outplayed himself, because sylvain wasn't even in the running.
eventually, ] What were you even hoping to accomplish...? [ dryly, ] If you wanted to be wooed, surely there are better ways to go about it.
[ Claude isn't entirely sure what to make of the slight hesitation on Sylvain's part. Had he not expected Claude to call him out so early?
He doesn't get the chance to think about it too deeply, when Sylvain starts prying into his motives.
He scoffs, smiling slightly, ] It seemed like the best way to learn about the others here without giving anything away of myself. You'll have to forgive me for not trusting anyone here.
[ Paranoia is a good thing. ]
To be honest, when you messaged me again, I thought you might've figured me out and were trying to outsmart me.
[ sylvain groans and runs a hand through his hair, whatever confusion he feels giving way to utter embarrassment and mild irritation. don't remind him. the more time he has to let this all sink in, the more stupid their situation is. ]
...No, I really thought I was messaging a cute girl.
[ don't make him say it!!! he sighs, exasperated, though there's a touch of exaggeration to his words. he's more abhorred than he is actually mad. ]
I can't believe I sent you flowers.
[ (digital flowers but whatever.) he... also attempted cooking... wow he was in way deeper than he claimed to be, wasn't he. ]
[ Wait, so... Sylvain didn't figure out that he was Claudia all along? He genuinely thought that he'd been speaking to a woman? Even though Claude hadn't even bothered keeping up the demure, noblewoman act after the first night of setting up the account.
But Sylvain hadn't figured it out, which means that Claude had given himself up.
... What can he do but laugh? He tilts his head to the side, closing his eyes as he takes a second just to laugh at himself. ]
Well, they were lovely flowers. [ Despite having played himself, his expression is still bright with mirth. ] I'm sorry that your efforts were never going to land you a date with a beautiful lady.
[ So Sylvain was doing all of this genuinely for a woman... Maybe Claude wasn't the only lonely person here. ]
[ sylvain says, trying (and failing) to withhold a crooked smile of his own. maybe he's a little irked that he's the only one who seems to be suffering from this reveal, but it's admittedly difficult to stay annoyed in the face of claude's good humor. and no matter the trouble it's always his first instinct to play along, to diffuse the situation. ]
I poured my heart into that bouquet. My very soul into those texts... I'm a broken man.
[ he presses a palm dramatically to his chest, the absolute picture of a forlorn bachelor. he's still wearing the pink apron so he looks extra preposterous while doing this. ]
...At least help me finish my soup so it doesn't go entirely to waste. Claudia.
[ even as he jokes around, he does have to wonder again—how much of claude's responses were true...? ]
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no subject
he gives claude a crooked smile, though there's genuine amusement there behind his incredulous tone. a slight crinkle around his eyes suggesting he appreciates the compliment even if he doesn't agree. ]
Or, you're just suspiciously easy to please for a lordling. [ not that he knows claude well enough to accuse him of being a picky eater. ]
But thanks. And if anyone's taking notes, it'll be him.
[ their diligent dimitri... sylvain stirs his soup a bit, then takes a sip. ]
...Got anything you're craving from home?
no subject
I know what the right thing is to say to get someone to cook my favourite meals.
[ Does he think Sylvain is an incredible cook? Not really. Is the food edible? Basically. At least Sylvain doesn't think that salt makes a dish too spicy.
Four years in Fodlan have really done their damage to his taste buds. ]
Do you know how to roast a bird?
no subject
With enough flattery, I might.
[ (no, he would ruin so many birds trying to roast them correctly.) ]
...Or, find someone else who knows how. Joonghyuk seems to know his stuff.
[ this was his ploy all along... try to get malewife #1 to cook them meals. ]
no subject
Joonghyuk being able to cook is quite a surprise. He's rather good at it too.
[ He thinks back to Joonghyuk in the apron... If ever Claude had an ideal wife. ]
He must've been ridiculously popular with women while alive.
no subject
Tall, dark and handsome, and knows his way around the kitchen? Nobody stands a chance to that.
[ (he should be bitterly jealous, but instead he finds it entertaining.) ]
...If we ask him nicely, maybe he'll even wear that cute pink apron again.
[ sorry not sorry to read claude's bracket thoughts. sylvain gestures to the apron in question, hanging neatly on one of the wall hooks. it is now a communal apron... ]
no subject
You didn't deign to wear it yourself, Sylvain? Worried you'd become too irresistible?
[ That seems like something Sylvain might worry about. At least, two years ago. Claude doesn't think they ever spoke more than a handful of times at the Academy, but he wasn't immune to the rumours about the Gautier heir.
Not that he cared one lick about them. There were plenty of rumours about him too. ]
no subject
Are you still trying to butter me up? You really oughta save it for Joonghyuk.
[ sylvain isn't shy about appearances, to say the least, and marches over to don the apron in question. ]
Mind taking a picture? I'm gonna get a second opinion.
no subject
[ He quirks a brow at the sight of Sylvain in the now Fabled Apron, having a brief, one-second out of body experience at the knowledge that he's messing around in a kitchen with a Sylvain four years older than he remembers. Claude fancies himself a man who can dream big, but even this is something outside his wildest imagination.
But he acquiesces the request, pulling his phone out of his pocket and opening up the camera. ]
All right. Strike a pose, Gautier.
[ Snapping the photo, he sends it over to Sylvain, looking amused. ]
no subject
(and it still doesn't feel entirely real, no, but he accepts all this the way he does the idea of modern appliances and handheld technology—impossible before, now suddenly the norm.)
...he has no idea how to model for a photograph, though, and settles with pretending to stir the pot of soup. ]
Thanks. [ he grins at his phone, then at claude. ]
...So. What would a smooth talker like you say, if you wanted to ask someone you didn't know very well out to dinner?
no subject
Do you think I'm more well versed in this area than you?
[ He doesn't know if he's ever asked anyone out on a date, actually. He's certainly asked people to tea and to dinner, mostly for business reasons. The closest experience that he has to what Sylvain is asking are the picnics that Shez would ask him on.
He taps his chin. ]
A good friend of mine would simply say, "want to go on an expedition?" and it would turn out to be a picnic. I'm not sure how well that would go over with a stranger.
no subject
I think you're good at making people feel at ease around you.
[ or at least, it's worked on sylvain thus far. he takes the suggestion into consideration with a soft hum, and figures he should probably offer some context: ]
...I guess I don't want them to feel like I'm coming onto them too strongly. Especially since this would be our first time meeting in person. But they seemed kinda lonely last we talked.
[ he gestures to the bowls of soup on the table. ]
We may not come from the same place, but I was thinking it might be nice to share some recipes. I mean, that's not the only reason I'm in the kitchen, but it's part of it. [ it all comes full circle... ]
no subject
Sylvain continues, and a certain unease starts to creep into his stomach. Was this all a trap?
He leans a hip against the counter, thoughtful. ]
I suppose as long as you make it clear there's no hard feelings if they turn you down, that'll be enough.
[ His heel digs into the floor, agitated, but the gesture is soundless with the slippers he has on. ]
Why do you think they're lonely?
no subject
That seems fair.
[ best not to go into these sorts of things with lofty expectations, though he supposes he wouldn't be dejected so much as disappointed. (sometimes... having difficulty forming genuine attachments comes in handy...)
he can only see how far his curiosity takes him, and call it off when the time comes. being dead really helps him keep a mellow outlook—after all, what's the worse that can happen that hasn't already? ]
They mentioned missing their friends. That they felt like their life's dream was taken away...
[ he glimpses up at claude, expression empathetic ] ...That sounds kind of sad, don't you think?
no subject
And... to be fair, it's kind of deserved. Claude was the one out there pretending to be some unknown noblewoman. And while he maintains that it was a smart decision (especially given some of the other profiles out there), it would've been the more gracious thing to do to tell Sylvain the truth when he first recognized him on the app.
He sighs, settling a hand on his hip and rubbing his fingers over his temples. ]
If this was your plan all along, it's very well thought out, Sylvain.
[ He has to wonder, when did Sylvain realize? From the beginning? He supposes that his fake moniker wasn't particularly inspired.
He fixes Sylvain with a smile that concedes defeat. ]
I suppose I deserve to sweat a little for trying to fool everyone with my little profile. I probably could've been a little more creative than "Claudia"...
1/?
he's speechless in his surprise at first, expression comically blank as his mind first tries to decipher what exactly claude means by that.
(that can't be possible...? or rather, the claim is so outlandish it's sylvain's first instinct to reject it entirely? what does he even mean, how,) ]
2/? (mental breakdown)
so, claude has to be "claudia"—how else would he have known, with certainty, whom sylvain was referring to? no names had been given, and the contents of their chat log had been strictly private. no one's gotten access to sylvain's device since he's had it...
...but that means... claude IS claudia?!?!?!?!?!?!? ]
3/?
why would he have kept responding to sylvain knowing exactly who's on the other end of the line? it's not like sylvain has any state secrets to spill, nevermind they've always been allies against the empire anyway (in sylvain's version of fódlan lol).
...also again, they're dead and politics don't matter here.
...he's so confused. is this supposed to be a prank...? that trajectory of thinking sends him down another rabbit hole: what would even be the motive? he doesn't think claude is so immature to act like a schoolboy, especially to a near-stranger... ]
4/4 omfg
...even if the pieces click into place, however, he's still too entirely baffled to decide how exactly he's supposed to feel about it. has he stalled too much that he's missed his window to play it off? pretend it never happened and lord claude's incorrect conjecture over him? he considers it, honestly, if only to hide whatever mortification and humiliation he feels.
...but there's something about this situation which is admittedly hilarious even to sylvain, even if he feels very much like the butt of the joke. the awkward silence is finally punctuated with a half-snort, half laugh. ]
You're giving me way too much credit.
[ there's something a little bitter and self-deprecating in the smile he returns. but it vanishes quickly enough as he just shakes his head, facing claude head-on. maybe it's equal enough revenge to let claude realize that he gave up his own game—he outplayed himself, because sylvain wasn't even in the running.
eventually, ] What were you even hoping to accomplish...? [ dryly, ] If you wanted to be wooed, surely there are better ways to go about it.
no subject
He doesn't get the chance to think about it too deeply, when Sylvain starts prying into his motives.
He scoffs, smiling slightly, ] It seemed like the best way to learn about the others here without giving anything away of myself. You'll have to forgive me for not trusting anyone here.
[ Paranoia is a good thing. ]
To be honest, when you messaged me again, I thought you might've figured me out and were trying to outsmart me.
no subject
...No, I really thought I was messaging a cute girl.
[ don't make him say it!!! he sighs, exasperated, though there's a touch of exaggeration to his words. he's more abhorred than he is actually mad. ]
I can't believe I sent you flowers.
[ (digital flowers but whatever.) he... also attempted cooking... wow he was in way deeper than he claimed to be, wasn't he. ]
no subject
But Sylvain hadn't figured it out, which means that Claude had given himself up.
... What can he do but laugh? He tilts his head to the side, closing his eyes as he takes a second just to laugh at himself. ]
Well, they were lovely flowers. [ Despite having played himself, his expression is still bright with mirth. ] I'm sorry that your efforts were never going to land you a date with a beautiful lady.
[ So Sylvain was doing all of this genuinely for a woman... Maybe Claude wasn't the only lonely person here. ]
no subject
[ sylvain says, trying (and failing) to withhold a crooked smile of his own. maybe he's a little irked that he's the only one who seems to be suffering from this reveal, but it's admittedly difficult to stay annoyed in the face of claude's good humor. and no matter the trouble it's always his first instinct to play along, to diffuse the situation. ]
I poured my heart into that bouquet. My very soul into those texts... I'm a broken man.
[ he presses a palm dramatically to his chest, the absolute picture of a forlorn bachelor. he's still wearing the pink apron so he looks extra preposterous while doing this. ]
...At least help me finish my soup so it doesn't go entirely to waste. Claudia.
[ even as he jokes around, he does have to wonder again—how much of claude's responses were true...? ]