logs | (catch-all)

I don't. Trust me on that one. This was just... something personal to me.

（ and she doesn't really want to talk about it any more. she dries her hands and comes back to the table. ）

Hey, do you want to get out of here for a bit? I've been staring at this pile of books for hours, it's probably a good idea for me to get some air.

[There's nothing much she can say to that. It's troublesome, though. If it was personal, could it have been about someone else? Someone she was close to?

Fukawa looks back to the tin of sweets, feeling quite queasy. She couldn't say why. Was it jealousy? That Sakura might have another friend? That that friend had someone who'd go looking for them? Or was it the lingering threat of vanishing? People could die at any time. You didn't have to go slinking into the Labyrinth to meet terrible fates.

It could just be the simplest threat of all: loss itself, in all its cold degrees.

Stupid. She barely knows this girl, especially compared to Komaru. They've spent time together but they haven't told each other anything significant. They're still hiding themselves away, and that's not what true friendship is. A̦̟̠n̙̠͜d̝̻͍ y̦̞͜o̻͙u͍͇͙'̼͙͔r̦̞e͖͎ j͔̻̠u̡͙͔s̠̦t͉̞͍ s͇͎͜q̡̦̠u̦̘͔i͓̙̪r̢͇͕m̢͎͔i̺̺̺n͍̙g͚̟͜ t̡͎͇h̠̺i͇̦̟n̡͚͇k͎͓͉i̫͙̺n̙̪͜g̦̟̻ a̡̞̦b̡͔̺o̪̠͎u̝̪͙t͔̪͜ w̦̺̺h̦͙͜a̡̡̻t̘͕͓ s̪̝̞h͚͉̦e̘̪͙'̢͉͇l̢̢͓l̼̫͇ s͓͖a͉͔̦y̡͚̦,͓͇͉ a͉͎̻r͔̝͖e̦͓͔n͓̺'͎͎͙t͕̺̼ y̘̼͔o̡͇͍u̘̝?͖͖̼]

Eh? [She blinks up, grateful for the interjection. Though she has to rewind the words before she can make sense of them.] Oh. Um. Okay? It's c-cold out.

[She rises from her chair with a frown.]

R-really cold. Like, bathing in dry ice, cold. Do you have a decent coat?

Yeah, mine should be all right.

（ it's easy enough to dig out her coat — it's long, coloured a soft deep red, and gloves and mitts to go along with it. shinobi — especially those trained in chakra control — tend not to be quite as bothered by the cold as everyone else, able to circulate energy more precisely to necessary areas, but she's still from the land of fire, and certainly accustomed to warmer climes. ）

What about you? Do you need anything extra? I have another set of gloves if your hands are cold.

Um.

[She gives it a think. This cold was hopeless, you couldn't shake it for real unless you snuggled up next to someone. Even then it was barely a reprieve.]

I d-don't know how much good it'll do, but sure. [She moves slowly, reclaiming her winter accoutrements with ginger grips.] I think this weather is another c-curse or something.

Edited 2022-12-22 05:39 (UTC)

Of course it is. Why wouldn't it be a curse.

（ the sarcasm is heavy and irate, done even as she pulls on her coat and tucks a scarf around her neck. on her way back to fukawa with the second pair of gloves, she steals another candy out of the tin, and then puts the lid back on to keep everything fresh. ）

This place could try not being the worst for a day, huh? Here. （ she holds out the pair of gloves, simple black, for fukawa to take. ） We'll figure something out.

[The bleak commentary actually draws a smile from her. She's so used to Sakura's even-keel composure. It's refreshing to see her irritated for a change.

As long as its not at her of course.]

I don't think it's capable of anything else. Though, I'd r-rather die in a blizzard than a volcanic explosion. [She takes the gloves with a slight nod, slipping them on to fit under her thick woolen mittens. She rezips her coat and steps into her boots.]

It's a lot easier to b-bear if you stay in close contact, unfortunately. B-but, I don't mind with you. Not if you don't mind.

That's not a bad choice. Freezing to death is actually one of the less painful ways to die.

（ and she's been close enough to dying in lava that she is pretty sure she knows what her preference would be. but it's probably also telling of her mental state that she's gone from casual disparagement of their surroundings to supremely blasé facts about death and dying.

she tugs a fuzzy toque with a pink pom on over her hair, and gives fukawa a firm nod. ）

I don't mind at all. Shall we?

[She glances at her sidelong.] If the d-doctor says so, I guess it must be.

[Kinda morbid there. That's her territory.

She waits for the hat to get tugged in place (pom-poms...so cute...) before shyly winding her arm through Sakura's. The mittens are too thick to get a good grip on anything with, and they'll be warmer this way. Besides, it's nice. Just being near her.

As they edge through the door her mouth feels dry as paper. It can't be blamed on the winter wind just yet. She's also too antsy to look the other girl in the eye. What's with these jitters all of a sudden?]

So. Wh-what would you say is the most painful way to die? If you d-don't count torture, that is.

（ she tugs fukawa in a little closer, more an indication that it's okay to be close than otherwise, and then off they go! the cold air steals her breath from the moment they step through the door, and the effects of the chill are instantaneous, she can feel her nose going numb, which makes her huff and lift her free gloved hand to breathe into.

morbidity aside, she does know the answer to that, and continues quietly — ）

The most painful... mm, that depends on several factors. Immolation is deeply unpleasant, but the size of the fire and any accelerants have an impact. Assuming a slower fire, and enough oxygen present in the environment that you won't lose consciousness from hypoxia... You feel everything until a third and fourth degree burn, at which point your nerves are too damaged to relay a pain response.

[The subtle tug gives her a little tickle of pride. Sure there were external conditions at play, but even under duress, wasn't it nice to feel wanted? Fukawa allows herself to nestle closer and for the first time feels grateful for the shitty weather. If they don't become a conjoined icicle before the evening jaunt is over, she can count this as a highlight of the month.]

I th-thought it might be that. [Equally quiet, equally pensive. She didn't get to see that particular execution. Heard about it later, saw bits from the recordings. Maybe it was a mercy that there was a sudden twist. At least a collision would have been immediate and final, not the slow dissolution of flesh on the body.

She grimaces. Of the punishments she'd witnessed?]

I think stoning could be worse. If it's not s-something strong enough to kill you quickly.

（ stoning isn't in and of itself something most shinobi would need to be cautious of — more a method of execution in iwagakure than anything used directly on a battlefield. she's seen some truly creative uses of earth jutsu, especially in the war, but they just don't utilize methods like that, whereas if you're caught out by someone who specializes in fire... the only fuel a fire technique needs is your own clothing. amaterasu, not even that. ）

I almost feel like that would fall under torture. There's no reason to stone someone to death except to prolong the pain of their passing.

（ what a wonderful conversation they're having, as they shuffle off down the street. there aren't many people out — it's late, and between that and the cruel temperature, she imagines most people don't see a point. but it is nice, to get out of her little apartment, to be in someone's company. fukawa nestles in against her, and sakura smiles faintly to herself as she makes room to accommodate the other girl. ）

Hmmph. You're right. [Fukawa grows quiet. That would count for all the executions, probably. They had a dual purpose in that way.] F-fire it is.

[Maybe they should talk about something else. She shoots Sakura a glance through her bangs. She'd neglected to come up with a list of subjects before inviting herself over. A rookie move. Komaru was so chipper and clueless, she could drag a rock into conversation just by blurting every thought in her head. Which meant Fukawa never had to try hard to fill a silent gap, and so flounders now.

Then there's a giggle above. From the street lamp.]

Huh?

[She glances up and immediately blanches.]

Oh no...

（ well, she'd been about ready to change the subject anyway. she has a certain tolerance for morbidity — she worked with the funerary branch of the allied armies identifying bodies for months after the war — but even with naruto's disappearance weighing on her, she has no desire to be lost to it. it's why she's here at all, fukawa at her side.

the titter draws her attention upwards, and her gaze narrows.

does it still count if she just burns the mistletoe to ash? ）

Really?

（ she asks that in exasperation to the sprite, where it whoops and twirls in excitement. sakura sighs, and then gives fukawa a sideways look. ）

Sorry, I should have been paying better attention. Um... is there someone you'd like to call, or...?

Me? Are you k-kidding? [Though a few people had been extremely patient and generous with her, several hadn't. Felix had been devastating, and she'd been warned to stay away from him besides. And even among the kinder souls, abusing that privilege was out of the question. Who'd run out in the snow and cold just to kiss her?] I'd die if I tried to ask anyone! I won't survive that level of rejection!

[What to do...]

Wh-what about you? You're popular. You call someone.

（ her lips purse briefly. could she call someone? sure. she knows at least a few people who might be willing to come rescue her, but... well. there are risks inherent in that as well, like other people accidentally getting trapped by the fairies. she's lucky jonas had been able to avoid it before... and she's really not going to ask him a second time.

besides... ultimately, they got themselves into this mess, they can get themselves out of it too. ）

I'm not going to call anyone.

（ that's said decisively, even though she isn't quite looking at fukawa as she says it. she extricates her arm from where it's looped around the other girl's and tucks her hair behind her ears, now nearly the same shade of pink. ）

Here — it's easiest if we do it.

[The firmness takes her aback. Fukawa tilts her head, like a dog trying to catch a noise better.]

You...y-you mean that? Us?

[Oh. Why is her stomach doing a backflip? Was the candy poisoned after all?]

B-but, are you — you're okay with that? That we're both girls and all?

（ she makes a soft hmm of noise in answer. her conversation with lady gilia is never far from her mind after all this time. the way the woman had spoken so tenderly about her wife...

it's not unusual for her to have fantasies. mostly, they've been focused on sasuke as long as she can remember. silly, chaste things — like how he might hold her hand, or kiss her. but recently, she's found herself wondering... would ino...?

ah! no, she's not going to think about that right now. she shakes her head, wishing she could disappear under her silly little toque. ）

It doesn't bother me. My world... that sort of thing isn't discussed or talked about at all, but this place is different.

[So it's relatively conservative. Fukawa winces, now set to wringing her hands even with the cumbersome mitts on.]

There's been accounts of homosexuality s-since the dawn of time, in nearly every culture. Although... [She gulps.] Acceptance is slow to come. There's people like that everywhere, but only recently some nations granted them the right to marry. Some places you could still be killed for it.

[Though now you just get killed no matter what, but. Anyway.]

I-I-I'm not against it! I don't care who does what with who. [This is a lie, but her bigger concerns are hot girls and hot guys hogging all the action and leaving the undesirables to wither to dust. She was pretty sure Ishimaru and Oowada had been...and maybe that idiot swimmer and the Ogre? Her memories of before are still muddled.] Th-though. I guess, that means...

[She gulps back some invisible stone. It splits and reshapes as a dozen butterflies, zipping around her insides at hurricane speeds.]

We c-can be professional about this!

（ kunoichi had received different training from the men. it was expected that their skills would be primarily related to fighting, but women were often trained as infiltrators. spies. that's not to say some men didn't specialize as well, but it was usually the result of their own desire to pursue such a thing rather than classes offered more generically in their youth. girls learned flower arrangements, art, music, things like make-up and fashion, — generally just the basics, but if they showed an aptitude they could be pulled from class to pair with an existing specialist to mentor and nurture their skill.

she remembers her teacher — not iruka, then — talking about how sometimes it might be necessary to use seduction to secure one's place in enemy territory, or to act as a distraction. it had seemed exciting to a young teenager, even if as she got older she recognized it was just as likely to be a myriad of other things. dangerous, to name one. horrific, another.

of course she'd thought about what her life might look like if she'd been sultry and desirable in a way that could turn a man's head, but she hadn't displayed had any real talent in that area. instead she'd gone on to pursue other specializations.

but it does mean she has a particular, pointed aversion to the idea of kissing anyone professionally. ）

I'd rather not.

（ she says that with a slight shake of her head, pulling off one of her gloves. her fingers are cold, but a quick spike of chakra sent along nervous pathways is quick to heat it up to relative normalcy, and she reaches up to cup fukawa's cheek.

she is spectacularly new to the whole concept of kissing. she'd held out for sasuke, but — given how that seems less and less a likelihood now, she's decided to set those old hopes aside. still, fukawa will only have been her third kiss, and the first girl.

they're almost exactly the same height, which makes it easy to lean in and press their lips gently together. it's wildly chaste, there and gone like the fleeting bloom of a flower in spring, and then she is. pulling her glove back on!! yes. perfect. ）

[Didn't see this one coming.

The glove comes off, and for a moment she thinks Sakura's changed her mind. She will call someone, she needs her fingers for the touchscreen.

Then she takes her by the cheek.]

Huh?

[And draws in close. Fukawa's breath halts in her chest, blockaded by the shock.

Every other kiss had been all nervy hesitation, protests from either party, an overlong battle to even breach the barrier between them. Sakura just cuts through the chaffe.

She's the only warm thing in a hundred miles. Her lips are soft. Her hand heats the curve of her cheek like a hot stone massage.

When she pulls away, Fukawa is left blinking and stupid.]

You... y-you just did it? Like that? [Hello???] How are you so bold?!

（ she just laughs nervously, tugging fukawa away from beneath the mistletoe. who knows if there's a time limit for it to reset?

also, rude. don't put her on the spot. ）

I — I don't know.

（ truthfully, it's a lot easier to kiss someone than to bury a knife somewhere in their body, but she's not going to say that. she just fusses with her glove, pulling it back on as the chill begins to creep back in. ）

[Oof. She stumbles along, too stupefied to manage her own two feet. She blinks at Sakura. Watches her slip that slender hand into the stately glove.]

Sakura? [Is she going crazy here? Or is there...] Do you like girls?

（ she freezes for a moment, and then curls her fingers in against her palm, shifting the fabric of the glove so that it fits properly across her knuckles. ）

I — it's not something I've thought too much about, I guess. Ever since I can remember, I've liked one person...

（ she's blushing furiously, tomato red to the roots of pink hair in horrible contrast. ）

I didn't think it was... allowed before talking to someone here.

You m-mean that shithead who ignored you?

[Girl. Girl.

This intensive rouge, though. Fukawa feels a prickle at the back of her head. Someone more polite might leave off. But Sakura, who could dig her fingers into human guts and no doubt snap a man's neck without blinking, couldn't spit out a sexual suggestion without burning up the roots of her hair.

Yet she'd dove in to kiss her.]

Well. N-now that you know it's allowed, are you thinking about it?

He's not a shithead. He's just someone who's had to deal with a lot from a young age. I understand him better now than I did when I was young.

（ relationship status: it's complicated. ）

A-and I don't know! Why are you asking me?

(catch-all)

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cw: ninja world sexism and grossness??? idk man

The ol' honey pot trick, i see

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