{suddenly, you lose your way and lose the thread.

[terraria]

WHO: Aspen, various
WHERE: Shadowlands, Stygia, and more
WHEN: December
WHAT: Catch-all log (event + general)
WARNINGS: Refer to Aspen's blanket warnings to be safe. Includes nonsexual descriptions of nudity (nude model thread.)

→ harbor

( in this white-out winter, a slender figure steps through the snow with dogged determination. aspen acts like the wind doesn't really bother him, and in a sense, it doesn't - these winters are not unlike the ones he's witnessed in petir. he's missed them - in a sense that he hasn't seen snow for almost two years. he's been so used to rains that he almost forgot that most places got snow instead of flooding. while most seem to be bundled up and bustling, aspen enjoys the snowflakes dancing in the air and some that stick to his cheeks and lashes. that, however, doesn't mean he doesn't take notice when some people are freezing their tails off.

as he unlocks the side entrance to his still-remodeling shop, he calls - )

If you're cold, you can come in here for a reprieve.

( aspen's expression isn't as cheery as it usually is - even as he rustles and flaps his wings to knock the frost off of his feathers, there's something heavy hanging in the air about him. he pushes his braid out of his coat so it falls over his shoulder like usual, setting down the coat that he'd kept over his clothes. he's traded in pastels for darker blues and blacks, and he heads to the stone counter - opening the side gate so he stands behind the counter and starts taking care of the plants and walls of powders, tonics, and salves he has stashed away. )

What are you doing out here, if I may ask? You're not going to cross the sea, are you? If you get knocked off the ship, who knows if you'll freeze or not at this point - ghk...

( he covers his mouth as he coughs up a few flower petals, his sigh melding with an exhausted wheeze. he shakes his head with disappointment. )

Apologies.

Comments

→ locked to established cr. (feel free to respond as if aspen sent a txt, or meet in-person)

[terraria]

( something's wrong.

when aspen's head swims while he's fixing up some tonics, he knows something's wrong. it takes a little while later for him to realize why - and the moment he does, he locks up his shop.

with the key back in his pocket and a heavy satchel hanging from his shoulder and secured across his chest, he makes his way to the docks to ask for a ride across. lo and behold, he's cautioned against it alone - and that makes his shoulders tense and his large wings fluff up with agitation. )

What the fuck does th - mm. ( he bites his own lip and breathes in deep, holds it for five seconds, and then exhales. he has to be polite. he has to be cordial. even if terror runs through him and his shadow spikes, making him see red, he has to be careful and conscious of what he does and who to. ) My apologies. This is an unsettling moment for me, and in my panic, I lashed out at you.

Please, give me a moment. I will see if I might be able to find someone to make the voyage with me. If I cannot in the time it takes you to prepare to cast off, I will stand going alone.

( he says he'll see if he can find someone, but really, he has to think very deeply on if he's okay with allowing people to see the inside of his home in the shadowlands. it's a private affair for him - deeply private. aspen has said so much, divulged much of his life, and yet there are things he hasn't uttered still. things he's afraid to speak, because if he talks about it, they'll be true. and he'd rather they not be.

but either way, he needs someone else. he doesn't trust going alone on a two-person voyage. )

[midway]

[ There's plenty of activity around the port this evening, which isn't too much of a surprise. Claude is sure that he's not the only one that's noticed something amiss—even if he hadn't said anything to anyone else. He might have been growing closer to some of the others here, but to admit that something might be in his room is a step too vulnerable.

Nothing is supposed to get in there without permission. That was the saving grace of having their tethers vulnerable and unguarded.

He's bemoaning the effort it takes to cross the water to the Shadowlands when he finds Aspen, who also doesn't look particularly excited about making the trip. ]

Aspen, crossing the storm?

[ He gives him a sympathetic smile. ]

I'm headed to the Shadowlands myself, if you wouldn't mind the company. Apparently it's unwise to make the trip alone.

[terraria]

( aspen's gaze is sharp when he looks at claude, though it softens when he recognizes him. he lets out a gusty sigh, raking his bangs back, before nodding. )

The Ferryman said the same thing to you, I wager. I have to admit, I wasn't comfortable going it alone. I'm unable to swim, and if the passage is as bad as it was when we arrived... ( he rubs his arms, averting his eyes with a sense of fear. it's not untrue - it's a worry - but not the worry aspen really has. ) Perhaps I'll need help.

If you're amendable to my company, I'll come along.

[midway]

[ To be honest, Claude really doesn't want to make the journey at all, company or no. He can't help but wish that he were the sort of person that was content to put his head in the sand; perhaps if he ignored the problem long enough, whatever this unsettling feeling was, the unease and the panic, would simply fade away.

But he'd never opt for ignorance. He has to regain what semblance of stability and control while he has the chance.

He doubts this journey will be any easier than their very first, but he manages a concerned smile nonetheless. ]

Wow, it's harrowing enough even when you know how to swim. I suppose I'll just have to hold onto you securely and hopefully we can anchor one another enough to make the trip.

[ He'll make his way onto the ship since they're in agreement, trying not to seem too tense. ]

Any particular reason you've decided to journey to the Shadowlands?

[terraria]

( his grip turns white-knuckled, jaw tensing. white wings slowly flutter closed at the notion - at least claude can swim. probably everyone here can. stupid aspen, unable to swim, even when aza was trying to help. he'd been dumb, so dumb.

if worst comes to worst he'll have to just - just use claude to float. he'll cling and if the human gets a little waterlogged, too bad. do people know claude is here?

he snaps out of his wide-eyed internal panic to exhale slowly and smear his hand across his face. )

Oh, I - I can feel something wrong. ( he lets out a little, awkward laugh. ) I wish I had my father's scrying magic... I don't know what it is... but in the air, something's not right, and I can't even focus on my studies. I might as well journey there if I can't be productive.

[midway]

[ Claude's expression is pensive as he listens to the explanation, watching Aspen's features closely; how he seems a little frayed and fraught for control. It is, unfortunately, something that he can acutely empathize with himself.

There's something unsettling in his head and under his skin. A sense of wrong so out of place against the merriment of the city that he almost feels mad.

Not that he would ever say it. How foolish to expose a vulnerability like that. ]

I suppose you don't mean the sprites and their curses, do you?

[ He settles on the edge of the ship, the closest to the water, enjoying the breeze until they have to huddle further in to avoid being thrown off. ]

It certainly would be something to escape the city to avoid a few kisses.

[terraria]

Oh, I wish kissing was what I was trying to avoid.

( he laughs good-naturedly, the tension ebbing from his shoulders as he steps in. aspen sits right in the middle, and his hands grip onto the seat. )

I'd kiss a thousand drunk men or women before I would accept with this strange feeling into my chest again. With tongue, even!

No. I can't quite describe it. It's good that you haven't felt it, then.

[midway]

[ He blinks, feeling a sudden pang of guilt like sunlight through dark clouds at Aspen's genuine response. Why had he put up a front, as though he didn't know exactly what Aspen was talking about?

But also: was his reaction believable enough, or was Aspen just doing him a mercy despite knowing that Claude could only be venturing through the Tempest for the exact same reason?

He glances away, looking out across the water. ]

I wouldn't be surprised if it were our Shadows trying to sink their teeth into our good sense.

[ His jaw tenses as the thought, fingers curling into a fist. ]

There's the cold that's hard to chase away too. It's hard to keep your defenses up when you're freezing.

[terraria]

Hmm. Well, come over.

( and should claude look, aspen is beckoning with a light smile on his face. )

My wings are quite warm and soft, so they should help if you'd like to rest against them. I've been told they're like pillows.

( he's practically preening. )

[midway]

[ Despite himself, Claude's mind immediately goes to the goose feather filled pillows, which are indeed very soft and luxurious.

And then he immediately mentally berates himself for such a crude comparison when Aspen is only being generous. ]

I wouldn't normally be so bold, but I truly do hate the cold.

[ Besides, close proximity like this will help keep them more firmly grounded as they cross the water. With that logic in hand, he takes a seat next to Aspen, close enough that their arms press together.

It's nice. ]

I suppose you wouldn't risk flying over the water given the dangers of the storm?

[terraria]

( he always attempts to be courteous in town - aspen's wings are flexed closed and close to his body, usually. they curve just above his head at the tallest, so perhaps it's not so much a surprise that his wings are truly bigger than what one would think. maybe this is where all his height went. he stretches them alongside an arch of his back and then resettles, with his wing carefully curled around claude in turn.

he was not joking about the warmth trapped in between his feathers. there's so much down here that yes, he might as well be wandering around with two mega size pillows. )

That's right. ( he glances at claude sidelong with a grim expression. ) I'm a powerful flier, thanks to the size of my wings - and even I would have trouble navigating the storms over these waters. I'd just be knocked off course and freeze in the water. Flying over Stygia is no problem, but...

[midway]

[ Claude takes a moment to observe the grace and span of Aspen's wings as one closes in around him. He has, of course, never seen anything like Aspen while alive. It had been revelation enough that Rhea could transform into a dragon, and then there was Shez and the other shapeshifters, but there was nothing in both Fodlan or Almyra where the features of humans and other creatures were mixed to create one form.

The only comparison he has is the famous painting of Seiros and the twenty-one crests. He wonders if Aspen would be considered some kind of holy being in Fodlan.

Or hunted. He honestly has no faith in the Church. ]

That makes sense.

[ He tears himself from his musing to reply, relaxing as he feels himself warm for the first time in far too long. ]

It's why I didn't bother making the trip on wyvernback, the storm really isn't anything to be trifled with.

[terraria]

Wyvernback...?

( he looks to claude with some shock, bewilderment clear by the slight furrow of his brows. )

Sorry - dragons? Dragons exist where you're from?

[midway]

[ Well. ]

Yes, though their existence has been hidden for millennia. Wyverns are far more common, though.

[terraria]

... are wyverns not dragons?

( now this has him confused. )

I wouldn't know - they're just a story in my world. Well, mostly.

[midway]

[ He rubs his chin. ]

I suppose they look similar, though dragons are usually the size of a building. They also have four legs and wyverns only have two. Frankly, they might be related— I only discovered dragons exist a couple of months ago.

Also, it appears that dragons in my world also have human forms. Wyverns certainly don't.

[terraria]

( aspen sputters, pulling slightly at claude's arm. )

Dragons can turn into humans?!

... that's unfair. ( his wings slump - his entire body seems to wilt. ) They can just... walk about unseen, unbothered...?

[midway]

[ Ah. ]

Yes, that seems to be the case. I don't think anyone had any inkling that our archbishop was a dragon. One several thousands of years old at that.

[ He thinks back to their first conversation on Soulidarity. ]

I suppose it's not as easy for you, with your wings.

[terraria]

( an archbishop. thousands of years old. and no one suspected a thing. aspen purses his lips and slowly draws back, letting go of claude. he doesn't move away - claude is the messenger, he's not at fault here, and he won't deprive him of warmth as the waves of the Tempest grow choppier and the air more frigid.

but it hurts. )

I'm proud of my wings. ( it's an earnest admission, made in a soft, small voice - if they weren't so close, maybe claude wouldn't have heard it. ) ... but my world is not as open-minded as they are here, and that pride comes at a cost.

I apologize for my behavior. I wasn't thinking.

[midway]

[ Claude isn't sure what Aspen has to apologize for—his bitterness or envy or whatever hurt he might be feeling is understandable. He's not unaware of his own privilege over the likes of Cyril, Dedue and Petra. He's hiding in plain sight too, not brave enough to wear his identity openly.

He sets a hand on Aspen's knee, squeezing gently. ]

There's no need to apologize. I'm glad that your world hasn't beaten your pride out of you. You certainly deserve better.

[ He glances up at the wing around him. ]

I know it doesn't compare to an entire society's worth of prejudice, but I think your wings are quite beautiful.

[terraria]

( he chuckles. )

Thank you. Me... and my people, we deserve better than what we were given. I wish I could do something for them besides just act as a healer and a soul-soother.

My people have superstitions regarding the color of wings, you know? White is supposed to mean that you're meant to be a tactician. ( after a moment, he scrunches his nose. ) I don't know if you realized it, when we switched bodies... but I can't read very well. The letters and numbers all seem to move and warp. I don't know how much stock to put in that - tacticians should be able to read, I think.

Are there any superstitions where you come from?

[midway]

[ That makes him smile, always curious about different places far and wide. He'd thought the world was big before, but now... ]

You can read with more than just your eyes. I'm sure you could pull it off if you wanted to.

[ But being a tactician is rather exhausting. He's not sure that he'd recommend it. ]

We had a couple silly ones... I remember one that said if you dropped your food, it was the earth trying to reclaim what she gave you, though I think that was just parents trying to keep their children from eating off the floor. [ The memory makes him snort. ] Another that said if you had a child born on the same day as the wyvern's first flight that the child would be particularly virile.

[terraria]

( aspen laughs brightly. )

I'm quite sure some chocolate will benefit me more than the earth. It sounds as if wyverns are common in your world if that's the sort of superstitions that are about.

I wonder which one of us is faster.

[midway]

You're free to race my girl around the city when we get back.

[ Though he'd have to coax her outside. Wyverns don't particularly relish the cold, and he knows she's been enjoying curling up inside with blankets as of late, only heading out to hunt.

Still, it's an amusing thought, and one he looks forward to for when they return.

He tucks it away as they draw closer to the shores of the Shadowlands, the same grim mood from earlier returning; a sense of unease and a sharp pain in his head. ]

We'll be arriving soon.

[terraria]

( the slight cheer offered to them by the lighter topics ebbs. aspen grimaces a little, staring uncertainly at the shores of the shadowlands. he doesn't like this. he doesn't want to have to go back to his home, but the thought of not checking on his tethers also makes his insides seize up with ice. )

... I think I prefer being here for collecting roots and the stray grass than this. It feels far too foreboding for this time of year.

( but aspen's tension does noticeably ebb once they hit land, and he's the first one off and shaking out his skirts. bleh boats. hate them. hate ocean.

5* trip though. )