logs | {suddenly, you lose your way and lose the thread.

Entry tags:

{suddenly, you lose your way and lose the thread.

WHO: Aspen, various
WHERE: Shadowlands, Stygia, and more
WHEN: December
WHAT: Catch-all log (event + general)
WARNINGS: Refer to Aspen's blanket warnings to be safe. Includes nonsexual descriptions of nudity (nude model thread.)

→ harbor

( in this white-out winter, a slender figure steps through the snow with dogged determination. aspen acts like the wind doesn't really bother him, and in a sense, it doesn't - these winters are not unlike the ones he's witnessed in petir. he's missed them - in a sense that he hasn't seen snow for almost two years. he's been so used to rains that he almost forgot that most places got snow instead of flooding. while most seem to be bundled up and bustling, aspen enjoys the snowflakes dancing in the air and some that stick to his cheeks and lashes. that, however, doesn't mean he doesn't take notice when some people are freezing their tails off.

as he unlocks the side entrance to his still-remodeling shop, he calls - )

If you're cold, you can come in here for a reprieve.

( aspen's expression isn't as cheery as it usually is - even as he rustles and flaps his wings to knock the frost off of his feathers, there's something heavy hanging in the air about him. he pushes his braid out of his coat so it falls over his shoulder like usual, setting down the coat that he'd kept over his clothes. he's traded in pastels for darker blues and blacks, and he heads to the stone counter - opening the side gate so he stands behind the counter and starts taking care of the plants and walls of powders, tonics, and salves he has stashed away. )

What are you doing out here, if I may ask? You're not going to cross the sea, are you? If you get knocked off the ship, who knows if you'll freeze or not at this point - ghk...

( he covers his mouth as he coughs up a few flower petals, his sigh melding with an exhausted wheeze. he shakes his head with disappointment. )

Apologies.

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( event post )

Edited 2022-12-08 05:47 (UTC)

( something's wrong.

when aspen's head swims while he's fixing up some tonics, he knows something's wrong. it takes a little while later for him to realize why - and the moment he does, he locks up his shop.

with the key back in his pocket and a heavy satchel hanging from his shoulder and secured across his chest, he makes his way to the docks to ask for a ride across. lo and behold, he's cautioned against it alone - and that makes his shoulders tense and his large wings fluff up with agitation. )

What the fuck does th - mm. ( he bites his own lip and breathes in deep, holds it for five seconds, and then exhales. he has to be polite. he has to be cordial. even if terror runs through him and his shadow spikes, making him see red, he has to be careful and conscious of what he does and who to. ) My apologies. This is an unsettling moment for me, and in my panic, I lashed out at you.

Please, give me a moment. I will see if I might be able to find someone to make the voyage with me. If I cannot in the time it takes you to prepare to cast off, I will stand going alone.

( he says he'll see if he can find someone, but really, he has to think very deeply on if he's okay with allowing people to see the inside of his home in the shadowlands. it's a private affair for him - deeply private. aspen has said so much, divulged much of his life, and yet there are things he hasn't uttered still. things he's afraid to speak, because if he talks about it, they'll be true. and he'd rather they not be.

but either way, he needs someone else. he doesn't trust going alone on a two-person voyage. )

[Not unlike many others, D is a little bewildered he's become so cold recently and can't seem to keep it at bay. The long cape comes in handy, even if it doesn't seem to be doing such a great job in the warmth department. Weird.

Quietly, he takes the invitation and steps inside the shop, but he remains standing just inside the door as the flakes of snow slide off his shoulders and down his cape to the floor. He doesn't want to get Aspen's shop dirty...? Politely, he removes the black hat from his head as Aspen coughs up some of the petals. He hasn't said anything in response this whole time, and he spends another long moment not replying still.

He just peers watchfully across the way at Aspen.]

Thank you. [For the space out of the elements, first of all, and it's given with the earnesty of someone who is usually not afforded hospitality.] I plan to go to the Shadowlands, yes.

I have something for your cough. If you want it.

( aspen heaves a sigh of relief. something that doesn't require combat is on the notice board, thank his lucky stars. he needs more funds for his shop and himself if the weather will be this unforgiving.

nude modelling might be something people would blush at, but aspen sees no problem with it. the day he appears, he makes sure to cover his back with a relatively dense makeup as to not draw attention to all the scars - and not for the first time, he wishes he wasn't alone. it's so much more difficult to apply makeup there without someone else, near impossible without his shoulder complaining. it's messier than he'd like, but it's covered and blended. it'll be enough.

he situates himself as per instruction. the chill is enough to make some of him a little stiff, but not enough that he's uncomfortable.

it's not until hours later that he realizes he didn't pack a lunch, and on a momentary break, he asks if he could step out to buy himself something. to hia delight, instead, his patron calls for a restless to deliver a meal for him.

now that is nice. he notes that he could definitely do this again as he shifts his pose and drapes his long, loose hair over his chest, letting it pool in his lap. he'll have to personally thank the person doing the delivery on such short notice. )

Hah, you have some nerve, offering medicine to a medicine maker. I'll look at it.

( oh, but it's delivered with no bite and a playful laugh - rivalry for rivalry's sake, maybe.

after seeing d just sort of linger, aspen huffs and walks over to take one of his hands with both of his and tug. )

I said, come in. I don't care about snow or any messes. It'll wash off just fine. This place gets messy enough with all the plants.

Why do you want to go there, anyhow? Or is this a regular occurrence? I only go there for work.

It may be bad business to take from your own supply.

[Look. That's usually true with drugs and not medicine, but sometimes it might be the same. He doesn't know people's motives.

The hand not holding the hat is taken, the left one which remains bare from the wrist down to the fingers. He's a little perplexed by how the touch lights his skin up with the contact. The warmth is soothing and burns up through his skin toward his elbow beneath the leather sleeve. Hmm.

But he follows Aspen farther inside, stride measured and unhurried. He luckily doesn't leave behind too terrible of a trail of snow and slush.]

I'm meeting someone there.

[At the counter, he gives the hat a small shake toward the floor, and then he carefully rests it at the very corner edge, out of the way. The free hand is what he uses to pull a little tincture of something out from beneath the edge of the cape. He places it on the counter for Aspen. It's warm oil for the throat, the one from Rosuv.]

While true, I'm not open yet, so it doesn't really count. Next month, hopefully.

( he does let go so d can settle as he wishes, plucking the tincture up and looking at it with a scrutinizing eye. )

Have you been using this yourself?

[The figure cut out from the snow is dark, misplaced, a rigid silhouette made more menacing for the silence of its approach. Sasuke is cold to the bone, but it doesn't affect his stony expression. With enough discipline he can disregard the weather completely; the risk is in prolonged exposure, and he has been walking all day, scouring hillsides and ruins and caves he knows will be empty. The methodical nature of this futile search keeps his mind from drifting to worse thoughts. It also distracts him from frozen hands and feet.

At first, it's as though he hasn't heard Aspen at all. Then there's a slight crack in his demeanor—a frowning, furrowed look is pointed to the open door.]

I don't need a ship to travel to the Shadowlands. [Although it is generally safer.] ... You're ill with the Harvest's Curse as well.

[Sasuke remains lingering in the doorway, dour and reluctant to cross over that threshold. Eyes narrow, red and pale purple.]

What is this place?

What a scary face.

( aspen searches through his papers and folded powders as he speaks, but the good-natured lilt of his voice says he's teasing. )

This is the medicine shop I'm opening next month. It's still under construction and I need some shelves brought in, some floorboards replaced with tile - but it's usable as my workshop for now.

( he casts a proud look around. many hanging plants make their home above the floor, as well as some potted ones underneath. everything is cleaned and tidy. if sasuke knows any plants, he may spot poisonous sorts growing right alongside the medicinal ones. )

... but yes, I am ill. This strange affliction is... nothing I've seen or heard about before.

Edited 2022-12-08 21:38 (UTC)

[When he does cross into the shop, the hesitation is palpable, and there's a moment where his eyes pass over every corner as if paranoid something might jump out to bite him. The survey, once finished, doesn't seem to ease his tension, but he's able to face Aspen more directly at the counter.]

So you don't have a cure. [The comment is derisive but impersonal. Seeing Aspen, he had thought—foolishly hoped—the other Restless might have made more progress than the medicine sellers he'd come across so far. But that was desperate. A curse of this world wouldn't follow any of the rules known before.] If your symptoms aren't severe, perhaps you'll survive.

[Which is more than he can say of himself. In the wan light, Sasuke's face is pale, no spot of color even inside the warmer interior of the shop. The warmth doesn't really touch him at all.]

Do you believe it? That this curse is a manifestation of our emotions toward others.

Unfortunately not. Perhaps if the way to Hale wasn't such a trek and dotted with rubble, we'd be able to go to and from facilities that would make finding a cure easier.

( it bothers aspen too, but well - he's never been much of a cure seeker.

as he mulls over the idea that the disease stems from emotion, the fact that none of his papers have many words is clearer due to still hands. in fact, nothing in the shop has more than a scant few written words. aspen raises his gaze to sasuke, finally. )

It's not unheard of. Illnesses that plague others to death are usually chronic - and sentiment is just the same. Absolving oneself of emotion is near impossible, and emotion is known to exacerbate already dire illness.

At the same time, it doesn't make sense for me. I love two people, so why is mine so mild by comparison?

[The warmth leaves, and he’s almost sad for it. Is this place actually making them have to seek contact to stay warm? Why does this not surprise him?

He settles down nearby, but watches Aspen look over the vial.]

No. I acquired some as reserves for others who may be sick. It’s put in the neck to relieve the symptoms for a while. You may have some.

( he's lucky(?) in that should d put a hand on the counter, aspen will cover d's hand with his admittedly smaller hand. it's nearly automatic, and his touch stays. )

You're unaffected, then? Lucky if so. I wouldn't wish this discomfort on anyone.

( ...

he still looks distrustful. after a moment of still pointedly not taking it, he looks at d in the eye. )

If this reacts badly to my body, will you help?

[ There's plenty of activity around the port this evening, which isn't too much of a surprise. Claude is sure that he's not the only one that's noticed something amiss—even if he hadn't said anything to anyone else. He might have been growing closer to some of the others here, but to admit that something might be in his room is a step too vulnerable.

Nothing is supposed to get in there without permission. That was the saving grace of having their tethers vulnerable and unguarded.

He's bemoaning the effort it takes to cross the water to the Shadowlands when he finds Aspen, who also doesn't look particularly excited about making the trip. ]

Aspen, crossing the storm?

[ He gives him a sympathetic smile. ]

I'm headed to the Shadowlands myself, if you wouldn't mind the company. Apparently it's unwise to make the trip alone.

( aspen's gaze is sharp when he looks at claude, though it softens when he recognizes him. he lets out a gusty sigh, raking his bangs back, before nodding. )

The Ferryman said the same thing to you, I wager. I have to admit, I wasn't comfortable going it alone. I'm unable to swim, and if the passage is as bad as it was when we arrived... ( he rubs his arms, averting his eyes with a sense of fear. it's not untrue - it's a worry - but not the worry aspen really has. ) Perhaps I'll need help.

If you're amendable to my company, I'll come along.

I don’t seem to be affected yet.

[Yet. He isn’t sure whether or not he will be, so maybe the vial had been a small backup for himself if things got dire.

His rust-colored eyes study Aspen’s face, and then he reaches out to gently take the vial from Aspen again. With his thumb and forefinger, he twists the cap off and slides two bare fingers over the opening. The gloved hand beneath Aspen’s turns over in place, taking Aspen politely by the hand. But it starts pulling, coaxing Aspen around the counter and closer toward him.]

I won’t let anything happen to you.

[His wrist tips the vial and puts some of the oil over his fingers before he places it down.]

Tilt your head back.

( that 'yet' is telling, and he almost considers giving it back to d entirely. his effects are largely mild. this could help d, or someone else that would actually need it. guilt eats at him a bit and he means to turn away, at least before he feels that tug on his hand. he blinks twice quickly, looking first at their hands and then at d as he obeys the silent request.

d speaks, and aspen coughs into his free hand. when his hand pulls away, three petals of a light lavender hue stick to his palm.

and aspen? he looks like he's seen a ghost. he grips d's hand tightly, white-knuckled, and he obeys again, though this time it's less out of curiosity and more the rote obedience of someone who knows to obey. )

[He knows as much. He doesn't need Aspen to tell him what Assana has already confirmed, that emotion is so intrinsically tied to the workings of this world. It's the worst possible reality for him, but he can't do anything about that.

Those last words draw a sharp look.]

Platonic bonds aren't as severe. [Don't think about it, Sasuke. Don't.] Or so it seems. That could be why. [Because clearly that's what Aspen meant???]

( he looks at sasuke and tilts his head, blinking at him like a confused little canary might. )

No, no - I'm not talking about platonic love. At home, I had my husband, and then I had my lover. We had already begun talks on if he would become my consort along with my current husband, since... ah, well, it's complicated.

( he averts his gaze to look down, bent index finger against his lips as he thinks deeply. he can't seem to puzzle it out, and then raises his gaze to sasuke again. )

What do you think it could be? You seem to know more about it than I do.

[Hmm. Aspen, your lavender petals… Well, they are trying to fix this temporarily.

Both knees part just slightly, and he brings Aspen to stand between the front of them.] I’m going to apply some to your neck, [he says in a quiet voice, offering Aspen some warning.

Gently, letting Aspen still cling to his hand if it’s wanted, he reaches up to thread the gloved fingers around the nape of Aspen’s neck; the hold is feather light, respectful in how clinical it is.

After a moment’s pause, he very carefully places some of the oil on either side of Aspen’s throat. Then he uses his thumb and the curve of its base to smooth the warm liquid up toward the underside of the chin and jaw and down toward the collar.]

Tell me if it hurts.

[Aspen may as well have spoken in his native language for all that Sasuke understands what was just said. Consort. Husband. A second look, almost owlish, confirms that Aspen seems to be another man like him, but he also knows appearances can be deceiving.]

Your world seems... confusing. [Time to put that in a box and never examine it again. Uncomfortable, he begins studying the display of plants.] Then in your situation, the sentiment is returned. I don't know. I was told it can be more serious for affection that remains unreciprocated.

[The amount of mental gymnastics he's doing around that is impressive.]

'Confessions' may be a potential cure, but I don't believe it.

( he shuts an eye as he continues, trying to ignore the tickling in his throat. the surge of sentimentality hurts. he's been doing so well, and he's trying to force it down for good. instead he focuses on the way d holds him gently.

his heart thrums hard. his ever-present distrust and fear stays, even if it's dampened. he knows that d isn't the sort of person to hurt without reason - but even so, it makes him wary. he lets out a breath he hadn't been holding when he's done, letting out slow and careful breaths. he breathes in deep, and finds the rasp in his lungs to be gentler than usual.

he sniffs. )

It stings. But it doesn't hurt.

Confusing? ( how could it be confusing? ) It's just marriage. Don't you have marriage in your world? The joining of two people when they love each other, for life and beyond?

Though the way you're saying it... ( he purses his lips. ) If the sentiment being returned means the condition is milder, it makes sense that a confession might help. Have you tried that?

[Sasuke closes his eyes, regretting everything that has led him up to this moment.]

The traditions of my own culture are different. Men don't marry other men. [Is it illegal? Not as far as Sasuke's aware, but it is a considerable taboo. He has never seen it himself.] I was only surprised.

[That question earns a blunt,] No. My situation doesn't apply. [Never Ask Me That Again.]

Do you have medicine with warming properties? [Mismatched eyes turn back to the contents of Aspen's store; he is still cold, and being indoors doesn't seem to be helping.] Tonics or balms.

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{suddenly, you lose your way and lose the thread.

→ thread starters

→ event

→ locked to established cr. (feel free to respond as if aspen sent a txt, or meet in-person)

→ d, harbor

→ modelling (notice board prompt)

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harbor

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