—i play the heroine, i play to their sympathies.

[appeale]

WHO: rudbeckia de borgia & etc.
WHERE: various locations
WHEN: check subject lines
WHAT: catch-all & overflow log
WARNINGS: will update as needed. see individual threads for specific warnings and mind ruby's character cws

Comments

[boarwitness]

[with the confirmation, he picks up a plate, and carries it over to her, complete with fork, waits until she takes it, then returns to his seat, picking at his own food. it’s just leftovers, but it’s clear he focused on softer foods.

he pushes it around the plate, mind clearly somewhere else. finally:]

You just collapsed in front of me, and started bleeding. That’s not exactly healthy person behavior.

[he glances at her, face as resting grump as ever, but this time with a shadow of concern flitting over it.]

Sakura is trustworthy. At least let me call her. She wouldn’t call you a liar.

mild cw eating disorder

[appeale]

[ plate held in her lap, Ruby similarly picks at her food, pausing every now and then to check with her fingertips that she hasn't started pouring blood again. the food has no taste to her, as usual. she focuses only on the mechanical motions of chewing and swallowing, forces each bite into a body that wants to reject the intrusion.

in all honesty, she's not sure why Felix is bothering. back then, Iske couldn't have had her die because it would have caused political strife, but there isn't any such motive here. Felix's responsibility to her ended when he stopped her skull from being cracked open on the floor. does he just want to push her off onto someone else, so that she won't be a bother to him anymore? in that case, all he wants is to be assured she won't cause trouble again. but he's stubborn. ]

A few years ago, Father called doctors for me. None of them could find anything.

[ that's all she can bring herself to say. as ever, she gags on explanations. ]

I know the Dottoressa Sakura is a good doctor, and she's kind to her patients, but... [ she trails off, and takes another bite just so she can spend a moment chewing in silence. ] ... It's okay. Really, I promise. It only happens once a year, and it doesn't last very long.

[ the fact that it seems to be getting worse—more frequent and more severe—is something that shakes her rather badly. she keeps it to herself. ]

[boarwitness]

[he eats, chews, swallows, huffs an exhale—then points the fork at her, shaking his head.]

You told me yourself—you come from some kind of era like mine. Medical understanding in Sakura's time is more advanced than you probably know. What if someone else knows the answer? What if that doctor was just bad? You should at least try.

[strive. survive. stop hiding, and reach for your own goals, your own meaning. grow strong, strong enough to take on anything, strong enough to never die.

that's what he was doing. that's what everyone should be doing. right?

he resumes pushing things around his plate, not looking at her anymore.]

What are the other symptoms?

[appeale]

It's... [ her own gaze stays down too, and she struggles to swallow, stifled by the awkward tension. You should have just sent me back to my own room, you fool. Why'd you make yourself eat with me... ] I mostly get dizziness and nausea. The pain isn't too bad.

[ that part, she feels most compelled to lie about. nothing good ever comes of honesty regarding how much something hurts. if he can't feel it himself, then why would he ever believe what she says? she's just weak, or attention-seeking, or whining over little inconveniences. even in her first life, she learnt not to complain; her mother only ever called her a hypochondriac, and she'd be treated worse for bringing notice to herself. Felix is a soldier. coming from a pathetic girl like her, he'll think: what could she possibly know of pain? ]

I didn't used to bleed, but... [ the blood-stained cloth beneath her plate is enough to finish that sentence for her. ] Overall, it barely lasts a week. I don't even call for doctors anymore.

[ that sounds better than admitting she's never called for one since that first time. ]

There isn't any need to bother the Dottoressa with this. It will be gone soon enough, so she won't really have time to diagnose it before I get better. And I'd be taking time away from her other patients who need help more than I do.

[boarwitness]

[he flicks the fork dismissively, clearly rubbed the wrong way by the sentiment.]

That's a stupid way of thinking. If you're in pain and bleeding, you're not taking time away from anyone.

[this weird girl. she had two modes: rely on others too much, or not at all, and always for the wrong things. as helpful as a well-trained dog, or as helpless as a newborn lamb. there was no middle ground with her, and she always seemed to choose the wrong extremes to suit the scenario at hand. offering to sell her possessions to buy a stranger a sword, running away in a tizzy the moment she imagined she was annoying, swearing her idiocy followed by (or following) efficient knowledge, and now turning away medical care and attention when she actually needed it.

it smacked of... something. something familiar, and therefore unsettling. the cyclical pattern, the weird surface subterfuge, the twangs of desperation and demureness at all the wrong times. something was wrong—maybe deeply wrong—with this girl.

sylvain would know better than he would, as long as he didn't get caught up in fact that she was a she. he'd know how to pull these disparate threads together, know the shape of them better.

instead of voice any of these feelings, these reflections, or suspicions, he simply—mentally—sits on them.]

You should just talk to someone if something's wrong.

[there.

he eats another bite of food, chewing to ignore his rumbling feelings of disquiet.]

[appeale]

[ it isn't the first time she's heard that. why, she wonders, do people always assume that someone has never tried? that just because they see her leg caught in a trap, it must mean she hasn't made any efforts to get free. though she can't blame him for not knowing that "talking to someone" always, always ends badly for her. ]

I don't want to be a bother to anyone. [ she laughs gently, and tucks a lock of hair behind her ear with one slender finger: a practiced motion she uses to make herself appear shy and innocent. ] I know that's a little ironic of me to say, when I caused this much trouble for you, but I really do mean it.

[ at this point, she's not eating anymore. she stabs at things on her plate just to look like she might be. ]

Usually, I'm better at dealing with this! It seems like it's just particularly bad this time, for some reason...

[boarwitness]

Hmmph.

[he falls completely quiet, but the ire is baking off of him. she probably never gave herself time to rest during these bouts of illness, either. probably just pushed on past it all, smiling like nothing was hurting. she was causing him trouble, bothering him for sure, but not in the way she might have imagined. a part of him wished he'd never found her in the kitchen then. but who would have caught her?

fools can catch themselves, whispers a dark part of his brain.

he stuffs his mouth with food, and chews. it's a long moment before he speaks again, and when he does, it's short.]

Just rest.

[it's a stupid thing to say, because it doesn't communicate anything at all. but he's not the right person for this. he's not devoid of emotions, not by a long stretch—but situations like this always leave him tongue-tied for answers. but he can't leave it like that. so, with effort, he adds:]

It's no trouble.