[closed] you give me hell but i'll make it

[chokuto]

WHO: Team Seven kakashi who
WHERE: Mainly the Gallows, Shadowlands, misc other areas
WHEN: Early to Mid November
WHAT: Sasuke went to jail (shocking), Naruto and Sakura bust him out; later, Sasuke and Naruto reconvene to have a very necessary conversation
WARNINGS: Event-specific CWs including blood, branding, captivity, violence

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[acknowledgement]

[Fingers curling and uncurling indecisively into a loose fist at his side, he awaits his best friend’s judgment—on this sacred space that reflects Naruto’s inner self, on the jinchūriki’s avoidant behavior these past many weeks, on the inexcusable lack of progress in returning them home. Having yet to visit other Doors, the blond feels compelled to defend his own Shadowlands home; he wants to promise that he doesn’t actually view their village with the dark, forbidding ambiance that is present here. But before he can part his lips to speak, Sasuke breaks the silence. The throwback to their previous discussion takes Naruto off guard, though blue eyes sharpen in interest at the first breadcrumb of information about Sasuke’s space.

I wanna visit, he thinks, finally stirring from the moody misery that’s dogged his heels. It comes as no surprise that Sasuke, like always, serves as a motivator for Naruto. I wanna see where you grew up.

The demand—no, the request for a promise is not answered immediately. He struggles to find the words to explain the feelings that have been building inside him, only for Sasuke to meet him halfway.]

…Yeah, [he admits, dry voice hoarse with thickened emotion, choking him.] Dunno how it got this bad.

[Moving away from the Door, he approaches the edge of the cliff and gazes down at the thousands of buildings below. For a moment—so brief it could be played off as a trick of the eyes—the distinctive white cloak of the Hokage billows out from behind his form, shadow monstrously huge and oppressive. Then it’s gone. Naruto doesn’t seem to have noticed that anything strange has happened.]

I figured… [A jerky shrug of his shoulders.] …I figured it was my job to take care of things. It’s really arrogant. I get that. But Kakashi-sensei’s been training me—

[—to become Nanadaime. It’s only a matter of time, now. Like his father, Naruto will be inaugurated as one of the youngest Hokage.

Except, the issue at hand is so much more.]

…Sometimes, [Naruto continues, and there’s a smile audible in his voice,] it feels as if you’re the only one who ever liked me just the way I was. Before I was worth anything. Even Sakura-chan didn’t…not until I promised her that—

[Naruto crosses his arms over his chest awkwardly, the stump of his right one under the left.]

I used to be okay with that. Or…I thought I was okay with it. The longer I’m here, though… [The stagnant, red sun burns his retinas. Naruto doesn’t blink.] …Startin’ to think maybe it’s not okay. That lotsa stuff back home wasn’t okay.

[And, so softly that it might go unheard altogether:] I never should’ve let you leave alone. We should’ve gone together.

[chokuto]

[He's quiet through the duration of Naruto's words, respectful of that space, knowing his friend needs it to state his mind. He doesn't miss the ghostly glimpse of the Hokage cloak, a white mirage across Naruto's shoulders — a trick of the eye perhaps some manifestation of Naruto's inner thoughts and emotions in this place. The appearance of it is unsettling yet right. It is the proof of Naruto's dream, powerful enough to be seen, evidence for the weight and burden of Naruto's doubts as he describes what has plagued him these last several weeks.

A frown touches Sasuke's mouth, hidden at his friend's back.]

You aren't so different now than you were then. The difference is you've made people pay attention where before their own problems and insecurities blinded them. Even back then, I don't believe they would have rejected you if they'd known who you truly were, as I saw you. I also don't believe they are ignorant of their own behavior. It is possible to atone.

[What does it mean to be 'worth something'? The actions you commit, the values you hold, the bloodline of your ancestors? All of it, to Sasuke, is arbitrary. Worth can't be measured as simply or as objectively as that. It comes from within — not from the opinions of someone else.]

You've grown and matured, but that doesn't change the nature of your heart.

[The other boy's influence is beyond whatever reputation he was forced to carry by those in power. And Sasuke believes that those who have mistreated Naruto, just as he once did on his own dark path, can make amends.]

Naruto, turn around. I have to ask you something.

[acknowledgement]

[“It is possible to atone,” claims Sasuke without a trace of irony. A small, humorless huff of laughter escapes Naruto then; it seems to the blond that his best friend only believes in permitting such an opportunity to others. That night at the bonfire, minds addled by drugged food, the young man had bluntly said, “I’ve committed too much wrong. …I care less about myself than that. You’re the reason I have any future at all.” They’re both children of hypocrisy, denying themselves from practicing what they preach. How did it become like this? When did Naruto start refusing to rely on his friends? When did Sasuke decide his actions were past forgiveness? Maybe it’s always been this way, and they pretended otherwise.

He rubs absently at his chest where the concealed scarring is the worst—a flicker of warmth sparking there behind his ribcage as Naruto cherishes the quiet regard Sasuke still has for him. “…I don’t believe they would have rejected you if they’d known who you truly were, as I saw you,” and “You’ve grown and matured, but that doesn’t change the nature of your heart,” echoing softly through his thoughts. In spite of his continued doubt, he smiles. No one will ever see him as Sasuke can, but that’s fine. So long as they remain best friends, as this bond persists between them beyond life and death, Naruto needs nothing else.]

The nature of your heart hasn’t changed either, Sasuke.

[His gaze lingers on the ruinous sky a moment longer before he turns as bidden, smile fading and yet still evident in the fierce light of blue eyes.]

They’ll get that, one day. And if they don’t, I’ll knock some sense into ‘em. [A playful wink as if to suggest that he’s joking—except Naruto isn’t. If the village refuses to accept Sasuke, he’ll do something about it.] In the meantime, you gotta learn to forgive yourself. I’m not making any promises until you try. We’re in this together, right? So we’ll work on stuff together.

[chokuto]

[His head turns, gaze straying to escape the direct line of his friend's sentiment — hypocritical as he considers what he is about to ask. Would it be enough to trust this conversation is a solution? Sasuke wonders if walking away now wouldn't satisfy the problem, but it still feels as though there's so much between them, not easily put into words. Naruto asks him to forgive himself as if it is a decision he alone can make.

Sasuke steels his own nerves, and then faces forward again, cool mismatched eyes to bright blue.]

The Soulmate bonds are meant to alleviate the affects that Oblivium has on this world and its inhabitants, including us. I've gathered information on what these bonds are like. They are primarily a tool to protect Restless against exactly what has happened to you, as you were overcome by darkness that wouldn't have touched you outside the Netherworld.

[He says nothing of himself, because as much as he may have been experiencing the same from his own 'Shadow', he's kept it under control so far. Naruto's protection is more important; he sees that as his duty.]

It's dangerous, Naruto. You saw what happened in the Barrens. You've been avoiding everyone. You need to find a Soulmate if you have any sincere ambition to leave this place, but I don't expect you'll agree to it with just anyone. So make that bond with me. We already know each other's strengths and weaknesses; you've helped me before, when I couldn't see through the darkness of my own heart. This wouldn't be any different.

[Famous last words.......]

[acknowledgement]

[One by one, the shining stars sewn into the seam of his soul begin to flicker and diminish as Sasuke speaks. Their deaths reflect in his too open expression like scenes from a series of paintings—blank confusion, creeping dread, and finally a deep, crestfallen hurt worn as if he were slapped. The proposal is framed upon the crux of Naruto being both weak and dangerous, accusations he would have brushed dismissively if not for the person uttering them. He’s gutted. Hearing how Sasuke apparently views him is the worst betrayal Naruto couldn’t have anticipated. For a moment, even as his jaw tightens in telltale stubbornness, a wall of unshed tears glitter dangerously in his eyes before they’re blinked away.

His feelings on the Soulmate bond in the Netherworld have been complicated from the start, in part due to willful ignorance on the subject and in part due to the influence of his Shadow. Given the implications of the name, Naruto can’t help believing that such a bond should be restricted to those in love—something his Shadow has repeatedly reinforced the jinchūriki will never know. ᴀғᴛᴇʀ ᴀʟʟ, ᴡʜᴏ ᴄᴏᴜʟᴅ ʟᴏᴠᴇ ᴀ ᴍᴏɴsᴛᴇʀ ʟɪᴋᴇ ʏᴏᴜ? Hinata, allegedly, and yet Naruto feels little beyond a platonic affection for the softspoken Hyūga. Since meeting them, he compares his own lacking love life to the incredible, whirlwind romance between his parents. Maybe such a partnership just isn’t meant for him. Maybe it can’t be.

But even if he didn’t already foster these misgivings about the Soulmate bond, the approach Sasuke takes now would have put Naruto off.]

So…that’s how you feel about me, huh. [Pride wounded, hurt blisters into anger.] And the way you’re talking… It sounds like a business transaction between strangers. You agree to cover my weaknesses, [the word is spat,] and in return, the nonexistent debt between us is cleared. Is that right?

This bond should be something special, bastard! What about Sakura-chan!?

[chokuto]

[Sasuke has no way of knowing how badly he's miscommunicated his intent, and the reflection of that hurt in his friend is like a knife, surprise briefly cracking open his expression in vulnerable shock before it shutters tight at the mention of their teammate.]

What about Sakura? If you're worried about her feelings, then you should know she's the one who told me to approach you first.

[It was Sakura's idea, that he would be able to balance Naruto's emotions as incurred by the Shadow, that they are uniquely qualified to handle each other in their worst states. And it was Sasuke who had denied it, concerned that his presence would only make his friend even more volatile. It seems he may have been right.]

You're not a stranger. I don't see why covering each other's weaknesses is a bad thing.

[Isn't that what teammates are supposed to do? The confusion is a sharp, black, twisting thing within him, quickly flaming into anger and his own deeper hurt, irrational though it may be. So it is proven, and his tentative step forward to establish their team dynamic again is unnecessary. 𝐍𝐚𝐫𝐮𝐭𝐨 𝐧𝐨 𝐥𝐨𝐧𝐠𝐞𝐫 𝐬𝐞𝐞𝐬 𝐡𝐢𝐦 𝐚𝐬 𝐚 𝐭𝐞𝐚𝐦𝐦𝐚𝐭𝐞 𝐚𝐭 𝐚𝐥𝐥. Then again, this is the Soulmate bond. The truth is perhaps closer to the fact that Naruto does not see him as special in the way he would a romantic connection.

He should have seen this coming. It was stupid of him to ask at all.]

If you won't with me, then you should with Sakura. I know she'd do it.

[acknowledgement]

[Sakura suggested this? No, there must be a misunderstanding. She wouldn’t—but then Naruto pauses, recalling the occasion she invited him to lunch. Though he accepted in the expectation that they would be casually hanging out, it quickly became clear she had an agenda. And that wasn’t the first time Sakura tried manipulating him. While she has always acted with his best interests at heart, Naruto wishes his teammates would have enough faith in him to be honest. The duplicity…is he really so stupid they think he won’t notice?]

But it’s not about covering each other’s weaknesses! [he argues, tone laden with a bitter edge.] Not the way you’re trying to sell it! You’re not treating me like an equal or friend. You’re treating me like a mission. You said it yourself—I’m weak. I’m dangerous. I’m a liability!

[An errant hand scrapes through his hair furiously, ripping out strands along the way.]

Dunno why I’m surprised by any of this. You both have been gossiping about me ever since we got here! She keeps telling me I can depend on you two, but neither of you trust me at all! So now it’s come down to this…if I don’t bond with you, I should bond with my other babysitter. Except Sakura-chan’s made it clear—I’m not the one she wants that kind of connection with! You are!

[chokuto]

Oblivium is dangerous to all of us. You don't think I haven't considered the same of myself? What I might do under the influence of that darkness?

[He's hidden the extent of this just the same, but now it comes out in a rush of anger, the burden of carrying these thoughts the last several weeks. At times it it still difficult to untangle what is the supposed Shadow of this dimension, and what is simply him and what he's brought here as part of his soul. If there's any difference at all.]

I speak to you as much as I speak to her. There's no scheme behind your back, and if you imagine as much, then it isn't an issue of trust on my end. My conversations with Sakura concern only our survival here, and that survival depends on you. Protecting you. Seeing that you return to Konoha. You're needed, Naruto.

[He stands, frigidly, where he first entered the space behind Naruto's Door, eyes pinned intensely upon his friend.]

I've never returned Sakura's feelings. She should be aware of that. If it wasn't clear to you, then you truly don't understand me at all. [Cold words, but the frustration of the moment snaps it out of him. Not once has he expressed interest in their mutual teammate. How much more plainly does it need to be said?] I have no privilege to wait around for this special connection you describe. Do any of us? You're living in a fantasy.

[acknowledgement]

[Sasuke’s argument might not have been so incriminating if not for past conversations. Again and again, his teammates have made it abundantly clear here that returning Naruto to Konoha is the main concern—and not necessarily with them by his side. “You’re needed, Naruto.” Words flung at him as if his two closest friends are not. As if the entirety of his world doesn’t hinge on their continued presence in his life. As if they were expendable—small and petty sacrificial game pieces, awaiting an opportunity to launch themselves into danger’s way for his sake. And the worst part of it all? As a shinobi, he knows their priority is correct. This is the cold, grim reality Naruto is tasked with facing once he accepts the mantle of Hokage: Their worth is not equal, not in the grand scheme of protecting the village. But despite his awareness of that awful fact, a dark fury still creeps over his expression now. When he blinks, eyelids draw upward to reveal irises dyed the color of blood, pupils contracted into tiny, vertical slits.

Maybe he isn’t cut out for Hokage, after all.]

If you think, [he begins, voice trembling with barely suppressed rage around canines grown thick and sharp,] you’re not needed…

[Whisker markings deepen. His self-control is a thin thread unspooling wildly. Kurama urges him to calm down, advice that falls on willfully deaf ears.]

…then you never understood me in the first place.

[A fantasy is all he’s had to keep him going since childhood.

Sasuke has always been part of that fantasy.

Like hell Naruto is going to wake up.]

Bastard!

[Armed with only claws for nails, the blond shinobi hurls himself bodily at Sasuke and throws them both down onto the uneven, dusty rocks. The setting is nostalgic. Fueled by his misplaced anger and doubt, struggling to keep bijū chakra from exploding out of him, Naruto wrestles his best friend as if he can beat understanding into Sasuke with only one arm and a rapidly fraying dream.]

[chokuto]

[In the end, is it his fault? He's agitated his friend to this point of no return; and too, before, it seemed the situation developed because of him. There's little time to agonize further — Naruto's assault is upon him, taking the action of violence that speaks more clearly between them than anything else. Sasuke braces himself to meet it.

He's struck across the arm held out as a barrier, momentum enough to carry them into a hard, sideways roll. To break them apart, Sasuke delivers a hard kick to the other boy's side that intends to throw him off and across the rocky earth. With this breathing space regained, he climbs to knees, expression gritted.]

You know it's different.

[If he's needed, it isn't in the same way Naruto is. It never will be.]

Get a hold of yourself. Or are you going to let that side of you win? It's just more proof you need to accept the bond with someone before it's too late.