logs | (catch-all)

（ time eats at her, in those first frantic days without naruto. doctor mccoy takes over the clinic, and she leaves with sasuke. they search, and search, and search, and find nothing out there in the wasteland. messages go unanswered. there's no sign of his chakra, as unrelenting as brightest day, and sakura... she can't remember the last time she didn't have him to turn to, to rely on, to talk with.

their relationship hasn't always been good, but it's always been there. even in those years he was off training with jiraiya, and she with tsunade, it was present.

and now it's gone, suddenly and abruptly severed, and she's holed up in her small apartment, feet tucked under herself, buried in a blanket as she reads. sasuke, she's sure, is still out there looking, but she's trying another tactic. seeing if there's a history in this place, of where people might go, how they might be affected. the idea that naruto has lost himself, become a spectre, is something unconscionable. not him. he's too strong-willed.

at least that's what she's been telling herself all this time.

she's not really expecting anyone at her door — only a handful of people even know where she lives, and it doesn't occur to her that anyone might notice or imagine she hasn't been very actively around the last little while, so when the knock comes she frowns faintly, sets aside her book on missing and lost souls amongst stygia, and comes to the door.

she looks... mostly normal. it's clear she's been bathing, even if her overlarge shirt hangs lank off one shoulder it's (mostly) clean. she seems to have dropped a few pounds and the dark shadows beneath her eyes speak to a sort of sleeplessness that's hard to shake. but when she opens the door and sees fukawa standing there, she sort of blinks, and steps back, making space in case the other girl would prefer to come inside. ）

Hi.

[It's extremely annoying to be dragged out here like this.

And as far as Fukawa is concerned, she has been dragged. Sakura was supposed to be the social butterfly. Sakura was supposed to be everywhere all at once, ever present and available and maddeningly in the way no matter where she turned. It should have been easy to find her, whether she went looking or not.

Then the clinic reduced its hours and there wasn't word on the network. Typically she'd pick that rosy crop of hair out of any crowd, but every head she saw ranged from blond to black with little electric deviation between. Before she knew it, it had been ages since she'd seen the girl, and so lost the chance to call any meeting a tragic coincidence.

Imagine, having to scrounge for gift snacks and track down her home address. There had better be good reason for this.]

...You l-look like crap.

[Sorry. But it's true. It also makes her worry. What doesn't read in her words speaks plain in the furrow of her brow, the way she slips inside like she's intruding on sacred ground. Something must have happened. Something serious.]

Wh-what's with you? Have you been sick? [She sets the tin of treats on the nearest surface and unwinds her scarf, pries off her boots.] N-no one's seen you around at all.

No, I'm not sick.

（ she isn't quite sure what to make of this, evident in the faint list of uncertainty to her posture as fukawa sets down a tin, and begins taking off her boots. ）

I've just been busy with a personal matter. （ her brow furrows faintly, and then: ） Has something happened?

（ the idea of another incident, like the jail or the harvest festival, makes a clench of anxiety stir in the pit of her stomach. it's really the last thing she wants to be dealing with right now. finding naruto still comes first. ）

L-like what? [Boundaries, what are those? She shucks her coat next, then turns around a little helplessly. Where should she put it?]

No, n-nothing's happening. Well. [She sighs and rolls her eyes.] Th-that disgusting mistletoe is everywhere, you can't walk ten steps without getting cursed. But, no, I just. Um.

[She glances to Sakura. Then glances away.]

You c-can't disappear for no reason, you know! It's inconsiderate.

（ more tiredly than with any real brusqueness — ）

It's not something I want to discuss.

（ her voice hitches just a tiny bit on the word discuss, even as she's reaching for fukawa's coat. boundaries are something she's had to get good at for her own sake.

the bit about mistletoe cursing people has her raising an eyebrow, though. mistletoe... a hemiparasitic plant, capable of producing a viscotoxin extracted from its leaves and stems, fatal in high enough doses. almost as a form of self-soothing, her mind breaks down the components of an antidote while she hangs up the coat neatly in her small closet. ）

I'm sorry if I worried you. I had Doctor McCoy cover the clinic for me, I thought that would be enough for a few days.

（ people being personally worried about her? weird. ）

[Fukawa's nose wrinkles, even as the other girl takes her coat and blithely accepts her invasion. More secrets? Oh, this was just so unfair. It's not as if —

Okay actually she was keeping a lot from her too. But still, it's frustrating to see the drain on her and not get one clue about it. She looks skinner than usual. Maybe there was some boy trouble? Or secret assassin stress.

This is terrible. She hates this. Komaru was a great friend because Komaru was simple. Just so, so stupid. Couldn't keep a thought in her head if she covered it in cement. Sakura, on the other hand, is tricky. This is going to be challenge.]

I wasn't t-trying to see him. [Hasn't even introduced herself. Took one look inside, saw some old guy, and left.] I didn't need medical help, I just.

[She shoots her a look. Don't make her say it. Please.]

C-can't you eat something? I brought all this crap just for you.

（ she isn't terribly hungry, but she knows that she should eat. it's just going to be a drain on her energy and chakra if she doesn't. still, she doesn't have a real reason to decline that isn't petulant or easily overridden by rationality.

she carries the little tin to her small table, and gestures for fukawa to sit in one of the two chairs there. ）

You must've put a lot of work into this... （ she says, as she sits down. she doesn't quite open the tin yet, but at least she's put it close to hand. ） I didn't even know you knew where I lived.

（ figuring it out wouldn't have been hard, but it speaks to a certain determination and skill... almost things better suited to a shinobi. ）

[Well, she's not getting told off for being presumptuous. Or pushy. It's a small victory but she'll take it.

Fukawa slides silently into her seat, awash with worries of a new kind. Was Sakura allergic to anything? Did she hate sweets? Did she prefer salty snacks? Would anything in the tin remind her of a dearly departed grandmother and send her into a fit of teeth-gnashing anguish?

Also, she's being called out as a low key creep.]

Oh, yeah, um. Haha.

[Clears her throat, she does not have years of stalking experience following hot boys around. You're the creepy one!

Moving along.]

It was all from one shop anyway. Don't make a huge d-deal about it. [Baka.] I don't recognize all of th-these snacks but a lot of them are very typical for Christmas.

Uh — do you have that h-holiday? Where you're from?

（ it's not the first time she's heard christmas mentioned, nor associated with the strong coldfront and the snow, but sakura shakes her head faintly as she nudges the lid off the tin. normally, she'd pick through them to see if anything directly caught her attention, but now nimble fingers just creep across whatever is nearest — some sort of caramel? and she lifts it in its little wrapper and brings it over to her side of the table.

noticing fukawa dodging that question about finding her residence? absolutely. but... it's not like it was malicious, and sakura isn't actually bothered by her knowing. ）

You could have asked, you know. I would have told you outright, saved you the trouble.

（ it's not quite chiding, just. fukawa really isn't used to doing friendship the easy way, huh? she exhales, reaching up to push her hair back from her face. the tie she usually uses is... somewhere, and she hasn't been able to bring herself to care too much about it, unusual for someone so meticulous.

a nibble is taken of the little chocolate. you know, it's not bad? ）

We have the Rinne festival. I think it might be similar...

[She watches Sakura fish the candy out with too keen an eye. Okay, so caramel is her favourite? Salty and sweet? Though she didn't spend a lot of time looking for it, just sort of plucked it out thoughtlessly. Perhaps her appetite isn't there yet, or she's just humoring her out of pity.

Fukawa's fists clench beneath the table. All right. It's a candidate at least. She can adjust the rankings later, once she's gathered more data. If she's going to get another crack at friendship, she will not screw it up.

Mostly.]

Ghh—I, I-I just wasn't sure! [That she would give her the address, or that she'd be welcome at the door? It only occurs to her now that it may have looked insane to just show up announced. Idiot.] I don't know, maybe you were h-hiding where you lived for secret spy reasons!

[They both know that's bullshit. But whatever, fine, she'll just ask first next time, it shouldn't have been a big deal. It's her own fault for disappearing in the first place.

Fukawa, who has was only slowly getting comfortable eating in front of people again, plucks her own sweet from the edge. A wee shortbread cookie, not too sweet. It had been a variety pack, to maximize the chances of having something the other girl might like. Baked goods, candies, and chocolates all in miniature, a paper guide tucked into the lid. She doesn't dig in right away, watching how the pink hair falls as Sakura makes to brush it into place. Her first bite is small and pensive. She barely tastes it.]

Yeah? If it's about g-gift-giving then probably. [She takes another bite. It's quite crumbly, she has to hold a hand in front of her face for propriety.] I don't really celebrate those sort of things, but some of the decorations are pretty.

It's just a lot about time with f-family. Or, um, friends. [She glances away.] Some religious stuff b-but nothing I follow. It's all k-kind of silly, isn't it? People just making up a special day and inventing a bunch of arbitrary traditions just to st-stave off the emptiness of existence.

[There's a beat.]

Did you need help with your hair again?

（ perhaps a bit dryly — ）

If I was hiding where I lived for 'secret spy reasons', do you really think you would have found me?

（ come on. do you think she doesn't know how to duck a tail, that's like, first year genin stuff!! she blows out a breath, and then: ）

The Rinne festival used to be to celebrate the lives of those we've lost. These days, there is definitely some gift-giving, but... I'd say it's more about family and friends.

（ but it's not like stygia has a calendar, much less one that would align with her world. the fact that it's cold and snowy doesn't mean it's the same. the question about her hair catches her off-guard, and she tucks it almost self-consciously behind her ears. ）

Does it look that bad?

（ groan... she probably does need a shower... ）

.........

[You've got her there.

Awkwardly clearing her throat, moving right along then!]

Used to be, huh? [She finishes her cookie and clears her mouth of crumbs.] I guess everything w-warps over time eventually.

[It's inevitable, really. As the broader populations shift beliefs so the traditions tend to shift with them. It makes her wonder what kind of place her own world will become now. The global population has been culled so thoroughly, and what remains has such tight ties to technology. If history has anything to say about it, they'll either turn to stauncher religions from fear, or invent some new beliefs, be it philosophical or mythic, and muddle their way through there.

She can't decide how she feels about that. Maybe now she doesn't have to. The living world isn't her business any longer.]

No. You're just fussing with it. [Her mouth quirks.] Though I wasn't lying earlier. You really just holed up in here and wasted away, haven't you?

（ she snorts, altogether a rather inelegant and unladylike sound. takes another bite of her little caramel. her stomach isn't quite in open revolt, although she acknowledges that she probably shouldn't be putting pure sugar into her system when she's been running on several days of soldier pills. ）

No, I've been in the Wasteland. （ we don't talk about the labyrinth... ） I actually just got back last night.

You what?

[Jeez, no wonder she looks so rough. Fukawa leans forward, brows knotted together in worry.]

What the hell, that's practially suicidal! How long w-were you out there?

About a week.

（ clarifying that it's not really dangerous at all for her and sasuke, especially given what they were doing... that would just further what fukawa already knows, so instead she says nothing on the subject. ）

It's all right, I wasn't injured or anything.

Seriously?!

[She'd been gone for a week and Fukawa had no idea. None! She could have tripped on a rock and impaled herself on a stalagmite, or gotten massacred by wild beasts! And Fukawa would have been over here wringing her hands like an idiot, hauling sweets to a door no one would ever answer again.]

Ugh, you're so damn reckless! It's annoying. What if you had b-been injured, and no one was there to come look for you?

（ her fingers twitch, just a little, as she reaches for another of the sweets. that the other woman's comments come from a place of concern is the only reason she doesn't just immediately lose her temper, but frayed thin as she is it's hard to keep holding on. she does not reply for a moment, instead choosing to select another candy from the tray, some sort of clump of marshmallows in a peanut-butter sugary mess? it immediately gets all over her fingers as she pulls it apart. ）

It wasn't reckless. I know what I'm doing, Fukawa. Please leave it at that.

[This isn't very reassuring. Fukawa's left grumbling under her breath and slouching in her seat.]

B-being capable isn't the same as being invincible.

[There's a hulking girl with the very same name who could have attested to that. A thought that drags her mood to lower depths. If Oogami ever showed up here...

Her appetite has been wiped out. Fukawa pushes the sweets further to other girl and folds her arms over her chest.]

At least leave a note next time.

（ she sighs, pops the rest of the weird sticky marshmallow peanut mess into her mouth and then goes to wash her hands at the sink. ）

I didn't say I was invincible. I said I wasn't reckless.

（ though, with sasuke's susano'o... they basically would be invincible, as long as their chakra didn't run out. but... that's also only a viable option as long as he cares to save her life. ）

But you're right. If I go somewhere dangerous again, I'll let you know.

[The pouting isn't completely assuaged. When Sakura rises to rinse her hands Fukawa feels a twinge of fright. Perhaps she has outstayed her welcome. Maybe she pried too much. Or something wretched did happen and she doesn't trust Fukawa with the terrible truth.

And yet, all the admonishment she gets is a soft surrender. Fukawa twists in her chair. Takes the other girl in proper, worrying the bottom of her lip.]

All right, [She says at last.] Just don't expect to fix everything yourself, either.

[This place was packed with heroes, kings, mystics, knights and (self-proclaimed) demi-gods. After the amount of people that broke in and broke out of the Gallows, Fukawa's sure there are numbskulls enough to cover most emergencies. It shouldn't all be on one young girl's shoulders.]

Edited (Spelling ) 2022-12-18 21:40 (UTC)

I don't. Trust me on that one. This was just... something personal to me.

（ and she doesn't really want to talk about it any more. she dries her hands and comes back to the table. ）

Hey, do you want to get out of here for a bit? I've been staring at this pile of books for hours, it's probably a good idea for me to get some air.

[There's nothing much she can say to that. It's troublesome, though. If it was personal, could it have been about someone else? Someone she was close to?

Fukawa looks back to the tin of sweets, feeling quite queasy. She couldn't say why. Was it jealousy? That Sakura might have another friend? That that friend had someone who'd go looking for them? Or was it the lingering threat of vanishing? People could die at any time. You didn't have to go slinking into the Labyrinth to meet terrible fates.

It could just be the simplest threat of all: loss itself, in all its cold degrees.

Stupid. She barely knows this girl, especially compared to Komaru. They've spent time together but they haven't told each other anything significant. They're still hiding themselves away, and that's not what true friendship is. A̦̟̠n̙̠͜d̝̻͍ y̦̞͜o̻͙u͍͇͙'̼͙͔r̦̞e͖͎ j͔̻̠u̡͙͔s̠̦t͉̞͍ s͇͎͜q̡̦̠u̦̘͔i͓̙̪r̢͇͕m̢͎͔i̺̺̺n͍̙g͚̟͜ t̡͎͇h̠̺i͇̦̟n̡͚͇k͎͓͉i̫͙̺n̙̪͜g̦̟̻ a̡̞̦b̡͔̺o̪̠͎u̝̪͙t͔̪͜ w̦̺̺h̦͙͜a̡̡̻t̘͕͓ s̪̝̞h͚͉̦e̘̪͙'̢͉͇l̢̢͓l̼̫͇ s͓͖a͉͔̦y̡͚̦,͓͇͉ a͉͎̻r͔̝͖e̦͓͔n͓̺'͎͎͙t͕̺̼ y̘̼͔o̡͇͍u̘̝?͖͖̼]

Eh? [She blinks up, grateful for the interjection. Though she has to rewind the words before she can make sense of them.] Oh. Um. Okay? It's c-cold out.

[She rises from her chair with a frown.]

R-really cold. Like, bathing in dry ice, cold. Do you have a decent coat?

Yeah, mine should be all right.

（ it's easy enough to dig out her coat — it's long, coloured a soft deep red, and gloves and mitts to go along with it. shinobi — especially those trained in chakra control — tend not to be quite as bothered by the cold as everyone else, able to circulate energy more precisely to necessary areas, but she's still from the land of fire, and certainly accustomed to warmer climes. ）

What about you? Do you need anything extra? I have another set of gloves if your hands are cold.

Um.

[She gives it a think. This cold was hopeless, you couldn't shake it for real unless you snuggled up next to someone. Even then it was barely a reprieve.]

I d-don't know how much good it'll do, but sure. [She moves slowly, reclaiming her winter accoutrements with ginger grips.] I think this weather is another c-curse or something.

Edited 2022-12-22 05:39 (UTC)

Of course it is. Why wouldn't it be a curse.

（ the sarcasm is heavy and irate, done even as she pulls on her coat and tucks a scarf around her neck. on her way back to fukawa with the second pair of gloves, she steals another candy out of the tin, and then puts the lid back on to keep everything fresh. ）

This place could try not being the worst for a day, huh? Here. （ she holds out the pair of gloves, simple black, for fukawa to take. ） We'll figure something out.

(ouran host club themesong playing)

my future wedding theme

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

skips order for mistletoes

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject