—i play the heroine, i play to their sympathies.

[appeale]

WHO: rudbeckia de borgia & etc.
WHERE: various locations
WHEN: check subject lines
WHAT: catch-all & overflow log
WARNINGS: will update as needed. see individual threads for specific warnings and mind ruby's character cws

Comments

[appeale]

[ oh, what an unexpectedly mundane and friendly question to hear. if she were insane like Dokja and Sooyoung, maybe she'd praise him for it. Good boy. if he wants to socialise with something so light-hearted for whatever reason, then she'll play along. isn't that what she's good for? to make things seem uncomplicated for a moment in time by her own lack of awareness, like a beloved pet. ]

Yes, it was fun! [ she sits up and goes about tidying her hair, combing her fingers through it while she cranes her neck to look up at Joonghyuk. ] I got to do things I've never tried before... and everything felt a little different because nobody here really knows me as a member of the Borgia House.

[ it's something she finds herself having to actively remember, at times. she got so accustomed to the expectation that the people she met would know her reputation and despise her; that introducing herself as "Rudbeckia de Borgia" set the timer on a bomb she had to defuse as fast as possible. here, there have been no eyes on her. she has a blank slate. there are downsides too, and it isn't enough to be something she can feel relaxed over, but...

it is a difference. ]

It's hard being the daughter of the Pope, you know! I have to worry a lot about how my actions will reflect on the family name.

[regression]

[ He is less insane the other two, he thinks. More likely to be normal in a normal situation... Good on Ruby for not patronizing him or he'd bite back. While she looks up to him, he's not going to break his neck and look down. His gaze stays on the horizon where they can see some festive lights in the distance.

In a way, he relates, though not exactly in the same way. He's used to eyes on him at all times... Privacy was a luxury. ]

Here you are free to be just yourself.

[ It's a nice thought. ]

[appeale]

[ whether it's personal experience or just sympathy, there's genuine understanding in those words. maybe she shouldn't be particularly surprised; Joonghyuk does seem like the kind of person who's been under a great deal of pressure at some point in his life. nobody who's had an ordinary existence acts like that. ]

That's exactly it. [ if he's not going to look at her, then there's no point putting extra effort into being cute. she can't simply stop smiling, of course. but she doesn't need to worry about it appearing convincing right now. her eyes close, just for the moment. ] What about you, signore? Did you have a good time?

[ actually, she's sure he has a dozen complaints to make just the same as she does. ]

[regression]

[ That's right. She can relax—they both can. Without needing to know about each other's history or past, there is at least something they can both understand and it's the tethers of their worlds being undone. They can exist and that's the aura he gives off, standing there like a weirdo.

Yet Joonghyuk, obviously, does not wish to stay here. He's willing to sacrifice these new freedoms. ]

There are things I have to do at home.

[ So all of this really is just a wrench in his plans. Unnecessary and unwelcome. It's one complaint that somehow encompasses many. ]

[appeale]

Ah—that's right, you're going to return.

[ when he'd said that, she had wondered if it was more about rebellion against confinement in this place than it was any sort of attachment to the place he came from, but perhaps it's both. while she may not know much about Joonghyuk, anyone can tell he's wilful; it follows that he would stubbornly whatever he's set his sights on. is there a particular path he's carved out for himself towards the future? this isn't the novel, and still, she can't help thinking so often of him: how very like a protagonist. ]

There must be things there you care very much for. [ her soft, sweet voice doesn't belie any of the bitterness on her tongue. ] Well, if it's you, I'm sure you'll be able to make it home.

[ that much is honest. ]