logs | —i play the heroine, i play to their sympathies.

[ She can do it, instead, is what he is saying!! Just stab the man!

He finds the reaction odd, but he's not so interested where he's offended that she'd end the conversation on him, so he lets it go and follows her to this corner of mirth. There's not even a glance to the stars when they get there. ]

You're going to accept death so easily?

[ of course she doesn't want to accept death. what is there that she wouldn't do to survive? but if there's a way out of here - if she has any other choice - then she wants to go anywhere else but home. even if she's fated to always live in hell, she doesn't want to have come this far just to go crawling back to the same hell again. I want to live, but I'd rather suffer here for eternity than go back there—

she can't say that. ]

I really don't want to die. I want to live, but... [ the smile she gives Joonghyuk is helpless, some bitter feeling furrowing her brow. ] What else can I do? I'm an ordinary person.

[ They really are different. His own world is hell, but he has reason to return... And as much as the Shadow that whispers that it would be better to end, to become nothing, and feel nothing, Joonghyuk resists.

Lifting his gaze, he looks at the lower hanging stars. ]

That doesn't mean that is all you can be.

[ in the moment that he isn't looking at her, his eyes on the stars over the horizon, her expression relaxes into a blank stare. Is he really expecting me to believe that?

appearances aren't everything, she knows that. it's not like she thinks she can judge Joonghyuk; while he seems blessed - handsome and strong and self-sure - anyone could say the same about her. the fact is that she has no idea what kind of life he's lived. but those are the words of someone already in a position to say them. platitudes spoken down to the bottom of the hole she'll never climb out of. even if he scraped his fingers bloody to reach the surface, it doesn't mean she can make it too.

Some people are just doomed from the start, you know. ]

[ a small side-step puts her closer to Joonghyuk, her guileless and adoring smile reaffixed. ]

You really are kind, Signor Joonghyuk. I'll take your words as encouragement to do my best. [ delicate fingers tug at his sleeve, careful not to touch him, unlike the way she was earlier. ] Here, isn't it better if we sit so we can see them all? It isn't good to strain your neck.

[ in fact sitting down sounds great right now, so she unclasps her cape to pull it off her shoulders and lays it out on the ground like a blanket. ]

I don't care to see them.

[ Just so she knows that she doesn't have to be so meticulous about the view, the angle, or the venue. If there weren't any in this strange sky with two moons, he'd prefer it. Also, it seems silly for him to sit on her cape with her? He's a grown adult man. And that is her cape. So he will weirdly stay standing, hovering over her.

Uh.

The fresh air... If this is even considered fresh, is nice? Joonghyuk enjoys it because he doesn't think this is awkward at all that she thinks to take a picnic seating while he stands. ]

Oh. Um.

[ ugh, she wants to yank on his arm right now and tell him to just sit down, but even if she did, she probably wouldn't be able to budge him. is he really going to stand there? who cares if he doesn't want to look at the stars, he can just sit like a normal person if he's going to stay!! this insufferable bastard who looks too much like her brother and acts too much like her former husband—what, are there only three types of men in the world or something?

her smile turns a little nervous, seeming fretful over the fact that she brought him here to stargaze and he just told her that he doesn't care to look at them. ]

You... don't like the stars?

I hate them.

[ Which isn't something she could have predicted... He could have prefaced it, maybe even reject her offer, but he wanted to get away from the festivities. This really is awkward for her with him standing, full of disdain for her choice of activity.

Why can't men be normal? Why can't men be normal?! ]

[ What's your problem? Why are you like this??? How am I supposed to respond to that?! ]

O-Oh... I'm sorry...

[ it's unclear what she's apologising for — sorry to hear that he hates the stars for some bizarre reason? sorry for bringing him here, even if she had no way of knowing? she doesn't actually care, anyway. it's just instinctive to apologise first if he's displeased. sitting there at his feet, she hangs her head, sheepish. ]

Should we... do something else?

[ SHE ASKED???? ]

Why are you apologizing?

[ Of course he's going to ask that because he's reasonable enough to know she had done nothing wrong. It's not something she can anticipate and, in the end, he chose to go with her. While he's inclined to blame others quickly, he doesn't do it blindly. ]

This is fine. I wanted fresh air.

[ SHE THINKS HE COULD HAVE TRIED TO GIVE A NORMAL ANSWER!! ]

Ah, because... it was my idea to come here, but you don't like the stars... It's important to apologise when I've done wrong! I don't want you to be angry with me.

[ it feels like they've had a similar conversation a few times, now. he doesn't understand, it seems, and she can't explain it to him: that it's simply the safest thing to do. that she's learnt the hard way people don't actually care whether something is her fault or not; all that matters is that she's sorry. ]

As long as you really don't mind, though... That's a relief.

[ Joonghyuk really cannot fathom dropping so low in life to do this in order to be safe, but that's him... Full of disdain and resistance. There's nothing to fear here—at least with him, he thinks. He isn't going to kill someone over something small.

(Except he would. Who is he kidding?) ]

I don't mind. If I did, I would have left earlier.

[ It's reassurance. ]

[ as far as Rudbeckia is concerned, the only good thing about someone like Yoo Joonghyuk is that when he says that, she doesn't have to worry about any traps or hidden meaning. there's no way he would ever lie to spare her feelings, or even to be polite. wouldn't it be nice if she could rely on that kind of bluntness all the time? if she never had to worry about anyone's true intentions, or the suddenness of violence. ]

... Okay!

[ like a switch has been flipped, her tension disappears — (she swallows it down, feels it sitting in her stomach, a dozen sharp stabbing pins) — and she falls back with a child's carelessness to lie splayed out on the ground, giggling. ]

It is nice out here! Though, I don't know if the effects of that drink have worn off yet... [ she stretches out a hand above her, reaching towards the night sky. ] I know that there are stars above me, but every now and then, it's like I'm looking at the ceiling of the Sistine.

[ That's right. If Joonghyuk wanted to be violent, it would be very obvious. Being a snake isn't his style. He makes the guess that she means the chapel, considering her family name and also ties to the pope, allegedly.

He looks up at the stars while he still stands, trying to imagine the same ceiling. ]

Is that more comforting?

... Not necessarily.

[ her smile stays the same. ]

But the frescoes are beautiful! Have you ever seen them? I don't know if they survived to your time...

[ technically, they shouldn't have been around in Rudbeckia's time either—1498 was too early. the author had clearly cared more about the aesthetic than the facts, and the frescoes were one aspect of the novel's historical inaccuracies that she'd been glad for. ]

Not many things survive during my time. Not even landscapes.

[ As dramatic as that sounds, it's the truth. Sometimes the old world dies so a new one can take over—new rules, new order... But that doesn't matter much to him. His only care was to be the one thing to outlast it all.

Unfortunately, the sky tends to never change... And the stars the same. ]

What makes you think I am from the future?

Because Signora Sooyoung knew about my house and my family members from history.

[ which is a conversation that went far more smoothly than Rudbeckia had feared, as soon as she realised she was going to be around people from the modern day again.

she tries to recall anything else Sooyoung mentioned about her own home, but Sooyoung is always so cagey... monsters and magic had been a recent occurrence, she'd said. so, what, are they from some kind of post-magical disaster Korea? maybe that explains why they're all so strange. ]

I don't know anything other than that! But since you seem familiar with technology like these phones, I just assumed you must be from a year close to some others I've met.

Talking to her won't be any good for you.

[ Because Sooyoung is just as much as a snake as Dokja, but worse in his honest opinion. That woman doesn't hide her venom at all—which he supposes is comforting. This is funny to think about when in the future Ruby would accept Sooyoung's invitation to live with them.

Well, that's her problem. ]

It seems that other people from earth are from different wordlines entirely.

[ as far as Ruby is concerned right now, Sooyoung is the safest and most normal member of their unhinged friend(?) trio, and she cannot believe the audacity of the most terrifying member cautioning her. not even going to dignify it with a response! ]

Worldlines... [ that's a strangely specific term, but she's consumed enough science fiction to guess: ] Like... different versions of history?

[ she's really starting to wonder what the hell kinds of experiences these three have had. she's never going to ask; she'll just have to piece it together. ]

If that's true... I might be, too. Since the signora had heard of my brother Cesare, and my father the Pope, but she didn't recognise my name. [ a pause. ] Oh, but maybe I just wasn't a very memorable part of our history...

[ How is it not Dokja when Sooyoung and Joonghyuk share the same blood type...? The audacity. Joonghyuk, of course, believes he's the most reasonable and normal one out of the three. ]

Different worlds, alternate realities—similar enough. [ Quietly, he wracks his head over the possibilities. ] It's not uncommon for women to be discounted in history... But it could be likely you're from a different world.

What is most important is that whatever that brought us here is powerful enough to reach across universes.

[ His postures stiffens, paranoia carrying him along despite how he wanted to get away for a moment. As much as he was made to fight the scenarios and has geared his mind to overcome obstacles, he knows the importance of rest. With a breath, his shoulder drop some.

A simple topic. ]

Did you enjoy the festival?

[ oh, what an unexpectedly mundane and friendly question to hear. if she were insane like Dokja and Sooyoung, maybe she'd praise him for it. Good boy. if he wants to socialise with something so light-hearted for whatever reason, then she'll play along. isn't that what she's good for? to make things seem uncomplicated for a moment in time by her own lack of awareness, like a beloved pet. ]

Yes, it was fun! [ she sits up and goes about tidying her hair, combing her fingers through it while she cranes her neck to look up at Joonghyuk. ] I got to do things I've never tried before... and everything felt a little different because nobody here really knows me as a member of the Borgia House.

[ it's something she finds herself having to actively remember, at times. she got so accustomed to the expectation that the people she met would know her reputation and despise her; that introducing herself as "Rudbeckia de Borgia" set the timer on a bomb she had to defuse as fast as possible. here, there have been no eyes on her. she has a blank slate. there are downsides too, and it isn't enough to be something she can feel relaxed over, but...

it is a difference. ]

It's hard being the daughter of the Pope, you know! I have to worry a lot about how my actions will reflect on the family name.

[ He is less insane the other two, he thinks. More likely to be normal in a normal situation... Good on Ruby for not patronizing him or he'd bite back. While she looks up to him, he's not going to break his neck and look down. His gaze stays on the horizon where they can see some festive lights in the distance.

In a way, he relates, though not exactly in the same way. He's used to eyes on him at all times... Privacy was a luxury. ]

Here you are free to be just yourself.

[ It's a nice thought. ]

[ whether it's personal experience or just sympathy, there's genuine understanding in those words. maybe she shouldn't be particularly surprised; Joonghyuk does seem like the kind of person who's been under a great deal of pressure at some point in his life. nobody who's had an ordinary existence acts like that. ]

That's exactly it. [ if he's not going to look at her, then there's no point putting extra effort into being cute. she can't simply stop smiling, of course. but she doesn't need to worry about it appearing convincing right now. her eyes close, just for the moment. ] What about you, signore? Did you have a good time?

[ actually, she's sure he has a dozen complaints to make just the same as she does. ]

[ That's right. She can relax—they both can. Without needing to know about each other's history or past, there is at least something they can both understand and it's the tethers of their worlds being undone. They can exist and that's the aura he gives off, standing there like a weirdo.

Yet Joonghyuk, obviously, does not wish to stay here. He's willing to sacrifice these new freedoms. ]

There are things I have to do at home.

[ So all of this really is just a wrench in his plans. Unnecessary and unwelcome. It's one complaint that somehow encompasses many. ]

Ah—that's right, you're going to return.

[ when he'd said that, she had wondered if it was more about rebellion against confinement in this place than it was any sort of attachment to the place he came from, but perhaps it's both. while she may not know much about Joonghyuk, anyone can tell he's wilful; it follows that he would stubbornly whatever he's set his sights on. is there a particular path he's carved out for himself towards the future? this isn't the novel, and still, she can't help thinking so often of him: how very like a protagonist. ]

There must be things there you care very much for. [ her soft, sweet voice doesn't belie any of the bitterness on her tongue. ] Well, if it's you, I'm sure you'll be able to make it home.

[ that much is honest. ]

—i play the heroine, i play to their sympathies.

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