logs | d | a november catchall

（ at the voice that's fast becoming familiar, she straightens up from where she'd been folding sheets and gives him a warm smile, skirting around the edge of a makeshift cot to step forward and welcome him in properly. ）

Hi! How've you been, D?

（ since... everything... ）

[Haha…]

I’m fine. [For right this moment, he doesn’t look around. Instead, his attention is on her out of politeness.] You?

[Also, he extends the wrapped thing in his arm out toward her in offering. Does Mirth have plastic bags, or are they environmentally conscious? I don’t know.

But it’s a lidded bowl of something warm and another bowl of something else.]

Oh! Lunch?

（ she really had been kidding, but she's sure not going to argue, either. she accepts the package (made of whatever material is environmentally ubiquitous in the afterlife) and then ushers him over to her little study. it's not much, mostly just an alcove where she may or may not have busted down a wall into the adjacent abandoned building into what may have been a small tailor's room in another life (ha.)

she doesn't want to actually put people in the building, because if anything should collapse while she's not there it would be a nightmare. the canvas tent is easier and better for that — but it's nice to have her own little place where she can be (almost) alone, separated from the rest of the clinic by a sheet and half a brick wall.

d better duck to enter her little office though, just saying. the crossbeam supporting the hole in the wall is roughly in line with his head. ）

One of these days you're going to have to let me do something to balance this out! I feel like every time I see you you're doing something for me...

Mm.

[He allows her to take the food, and then he follows her to the portion she has made for herself. The state of it doesn’t bother him. He really accepts so much all the time…

At the entrance, he reaches up and removes the hat from his head respectfully (now entering a more personal setting…). He ducks low, stepping under and through so he can straighten again. The hat is held in his left hand.

…He stands just inside like a sentinel, almost like he thinks he’ll taint things if he does anything more.]

You don’t have to do that. I asked if you needed anything else.

（ you melancholy bastard.

sakura gives him a very level look, and then pointedly kicks the second of her office chairs (lightly) away from her desk. the implication is clear: sit, or she's gonna make you sit. ）

I don't have to do it, any more than you had to bring me lunch. But isn't it nice to be able to do something for someone that's been kind to you...?

（ absolutely rhetorical. that's her entire point. ）

[…

There’s a pause where he considers politely refusing… but then he moves over to sit in the chair before she chooses violence.]

I won’t stop you then.

[Or argue apparently because she will again decide to try a violence on him for not letting her be nice back.]

（ hm.

sakura beams at him as he sits, clearly pleased that he's willing to put himself at least a little at ease, and she starts unwrapping his gift. whatever it is, it smells delicious!

as she unworks the twine holding the lid on — ）

What sorts of things do you like, then?

（ welcome to your interrogation, d. ）

[He really sits there in quiet ??? for a moment trying to decide how to answer such a question. It’s… it’s broad. He… has few materialistic things he likes.

The warm bowl turns out to be shiruko, something hopefully sweet enough for her tastes. If not, well, the other one is basically anmitsu. Netherworld version of anmitsu at least.]

I don’t usually receive gifts, so I don’t know how to answer.

When did I say it had to be a gift?

（ that is some one-dimensional thinking you've got there friend. has anyone ever been nice to this man in all (PRESUMABLY???) nineteen years of his life???

between the subtle allusions to his own monstrous nature, and the way he's so willing to grit his teeth against anything that could be pleasant... she does wonder. ）

I could take you on a fun adventure. Get you a nice book? Do they have hotsprings in Stygia...?

（ a tap of her index finger to her chin as she considers that. then she drops her hand, and takes the lid off the food to reveal the shiruko — which makes her give a surprised little oh. ）

You listened, huh?

（ yes, that is a strange and unusual thing for her. no, she is not going to cry!! even though she does rub her forearm across her face a little surreptitiously. ）

[The whole idea Sakura wants to do anything at all for someone like him is kind. He doesn't want to seem ungrateful. But as much as he uses staying busy to pass the time, he's a little tired of adventures. Water is not exactly his friend even if he can tolerate it.

He'd take a book, though?]

You said anything sweet and syrupy.

[He listens.

Quietly, he watches her wipe her face, knowing why. He doesn't call her out on it. There's nothing wrong with crying, and he'd rather it be from happiness than sorrow.]

Those are the closest I could find to what you described.

No, I did. And I'm grateful! I'm excited to try it.

（ just rummaging for a spoon — ）

But let's not get off topic! I'm determined to find something you'd like.

[God, his escapes are continuously barred at every single turn. He doesn't think changing the subject will work, so he puts his own inquiries away momentarily.

For a long moment or two, he's thoughtfully quiet.]

Your company is enough.

[He's trying to say he doesn't mind her company without saying he doesn't mind her company.]

（ spoon acquired, and that food makes it about halfway to her mouth before she just. sighs tremendously. puts it back down. ）

You say that like it's some sort of effort for me to be around you. It isn't. I like your company too, which is why that would be a very poor 'gift', because it's self-serving as well.

[Every time.

Again, he is quiet for a very long few moments. He doesn’t look ashamed or embarrassed, instead gazing directly at her. It isn’t intense; the expression is stoic but soft.]

I can tell you what you might be able to do for me, but I’m not sure if you will. But if you assist me, I will consider it repayment.

（ ominous...

the look she gives him is calculating — perhaps the first real thing he's seen of her that isn't just doctor or woman. it's consideration that comes purely from her shinobi's upbringing, that assessment, weighing of the odds.

she doubts it would be anything unnecessarily dangerous. as far as he knows, she's not really much of a fighter. so, then, something he expects she might find distasteful?maybe.

she stirs up the shiruko, and then gives him a nod. ）

I'm listening.

[For once, his eyes shift away; the motion is thoughtful rather than guilty. Then he looks at her again.]

I’ve never had the blood of a human. I don’t plan on ever drinking a human’s blood. But I am cursed to thirst for it. When I was alive, I satiated it with artificial plasma. They were dehydrated pills put in water.

I don’t have any of those here, but I can make them with the correct materials. I would like to try before the thirst becomes too powerful to resist. The blood you’re receiving from others… I need to find a good candidate to replicate.

（ oh. that's easy. her expression eases immediately — she's already given a vial of her own blood to augustine, and really doesn't see the harm or oddity in requiring it. she can understand why it's troubling for him — especially when considering how he seems to view himself as being horrific because of it — but it isn't something she feels particularly squeamish about herself. what he proposes is even less than that. she wouldn't insult him by saying that's it? when it's clearly so contentious to him, but to her, it's no big deal at all.

she nods firmly. ）

Oh, that should be doable.

（ it's not anything she's ever done herself, but it's hardly beyond her skill. it's just not something that's ever been necessary in her world. she shrugs, and then more lightly — ）

There are books in Hale, I'm sure there's something there, either on chemically synthetic blood or something involving... hm, （ a thoughtful trill of her fingers on the desk. ） maybe recombinant biochemical technology. Just the plasma itself?

（ if so, it's mostly just water. antibodies, globulins, fibrinogens... and then your garden variety electrolytes, lipids and proteins, like the coagulant factors. if she could isolate which one he needs most specifically she could probably even cut out the rest. the food is set aside for a moment, and she stretches for a pen and pad of paper, scribbling some notes in almost impossibly neat hiragana. ）

We can just use mine as far as replication goes. It doesn't bother me. What's our timeline?

I've done some research in Hale, but plan to return.

[Maybe he goes back only to find out he can't GET INSIDE because of the damn curse. That'd be funny honestly. Also, SAKURA DON'T JUST OFFER YOUR BLOOD. He can't reject this unlike everything else because he's growing a tad desperate here.] If Hale has the technology, I don't require a physical sample to work with. As long as I have the data, I can make an imitation. [Well. They'll need the sample initially, but he won't need it afterward.

If Hale comes through.

Slowly, his lips pull thin.] Soon. [He's... managing it. But. As soon as possible.]

We can go together. Two heads, and all. Plus, they may be receptive to a medical professional asking, or more willing to work with me or let me use their equipment.

（ then, a deep breath. that soon is... worrying, as is the way he seems to be drawn taut in saying it, and so. ）

Please forgive my asking. Does this... hunger, render you insensible when it's strong enough...?

If you'd like.

[Typically, he always does things alone... It's not he distrusts the skills of other people (sometimes), but he doesn't want them to get hurt on his account, to be caught up in the things he's trying to do. But Sakura probably isn't going to be harmed going to Hale.

His lashes lower briefly over his eyes before he looks back up.]

Not entirely, [he admits, voice soft.] But it can. I could feasibly withstand it... if something else here wasn't also in play.

[The Shadow.]

（ her gaze slides to him, and then away. she focuses briefly on a little figurine she's put on her desk of a slug, painted to look like katsuyu. she's had that connection for so long now that she didn't realize how much she'd miss her.

her jaw works off to one side, a muscle ticking along the sharp cut of the bone, and then: ）

I'm not only a doctor. （ she trusts him. it's strange to consider, but no less true for all that. there are only a small handful of people she's met so far she'd even consider saying this aloud to, but it may happen that there's an actual, deliberate need here.

she closes her eyes briefly, exhales. ） I'm also a shinobi. In my world, we train from childhood. One of the things I'm good at are sealing and restraint techniques. So... if it comes to that, I could help.

（ she knows he's powerful — less in terms of what he's done and more in terms of how he is. she knows how people act when there is something within themselves they've had to contain — but he's subject to just the same limitations as she is in this world, and with the byakugou in reserve she's plenty formidable enough. ）

I know it's not ideal, but... if it's something that would set your mind at ease, as a safeguard... then, I'm willing. Just as a last resort — obviously, making these pills would be preferable, and we can absolutely focus our energy there. I just don't want you to feel like there's a risk that can't be mitigated.

[Quiet, he follows her gaze toward the figurine to look at it with her. The only time he finally glances at her again is when she starts speaking.

So she does know Naruto, and perhaps he's one of the people Sakura wouldn't tell him about before. He doesn't pursue it because they're no point. For their world, it could not mean great things maybe.

But he's still glad she isn't here alone. For what it's worth, he doesn't say anything at all about her being a shinobi, though he can tell it's information she is pressed to admit. He understands. He really just accepts her saying she's a ninja...]

I'll take it into consideration. [This is offered earnestly. He's not opposed to a contingency plan.] What does it entail? The techniques.

There's one I've designed myself... it involves using my chakra to put a seal on someone, which I can then activate at a command. When active, the seal binds them with my chakra. It's something that would be difficult to break out of.

（ she hasn't even named it yet, it's still so new. she'd just been finalizing it in her regular bouts with ino, right before... well. ）

But I know that it's a bit invasive. The seal wouldn't be... permanent, necessarily, but it would only be able to removed by either myself or another expert in sealing techniques. The good news is that it could only be activated by my chakra alone, so it couldn't be weaponized by anyone else at least. But it's a lot of trust to put in a relative stranger, so I understand if it wouldn't be to your preference.

Impressive.

[He makes it sound like this is something he very rarely says to anyone else; it's honest, however. Even without knowing the nuances of what she's describing, it matches with the strong energy he could always feel sort of culminating around her head.

He has a question, though.]

The voice inside of you. Do you think it would ever weaponize it?

[Would it ever consider weaponizing him?]

I think everyone wants to be able to say 'no' to that, wouldn't they?

（ she bites her lip, sets the food on her desk rather than in her lap and leans one elbow next to her pad of paper, fingers caught up in her hair. ）

To be perfectly honest with you, I have a lot of experience suppressing a part of myself that isn't... acceptable. （ it had never struck her as particularly odd, until ino commented on it during their chuunin exams. she'd thought everyone was like that to some extent, and it wasn't until later that she realized there was something strange about her own mind, her ability to break out of genjutsu and all the rest. even if she hasn't dealt with her inner self in years now, something of it persists. ） And I believe most of my Shadow's focus is going to be on other people. （ naruto, sasuke. it's worse and loudest around them, by far. ） But I'm starting to think more and more that the soulmate bond that that man spoke of is legitimate, and possibly even necessary. I can't guarantee at the moment it wouldn't harm you, but I suppose if I could forge one of those stabilizing bonds I could offer more assurances.

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